Reply To: I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!!

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I believe you can have SOME neurotypical expectations of an ADHD relationship. They just have to be obtained via different methods than normal. I am also a husband with ADHD who was diagnosed at age 37. Hyper-focus for me, and most likely your husband, is not about people, places or things. It is entirely about brain stimulation. Newness, as in a new relationship or a new electronic device or conversation with new people, causes changes in our brains that keep us focused on whatever it is that caused that brain stimulation.

One of the tricks my wife and I use to keep our relationship causing that brain stimulation is to share the things that cause brain stimulation for me. That way it allows us to keep our relationship somewhat “new”. You might try a date night once a week, going out to do something that both of you love to do. That would give him brain stimulation while simultaneously removing him from all the things at home that might be pulling him in another direction.

I am glad you are both seeing a counselor as some men with this issue won’t seek help for it. It may take some time but I believe if you are both committed to making things work it will happen. Seeing a therapist and reading both of the books that were recommended above were invaluable to my wife and I during the process.

Good luck.