Reply To: I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!!

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#104291

Don’t despair.

I remember being smothered by my husband the fist year we were together. He focused on me every minute. I loved it. Then it changed. We were both career focused and we didn’t notice we didn’t give each other the time to connect. Then we started our family and that is when I felt really distant from my husband. He focused on our kids to a fault. Any child would of loved it and frankly, our first son needed it. We found out last year our son had ADHD, and subsequently that is how we realized my husband had it too! My husband realized he had a lot of the same challenges as a child and probably as an adult too. However, this revelation has been a huge help for me. Just learning what adhd is has helped me love my husband and son more.
Patience is a trait I have. I am blessed because without it I don’t think anyone can handle the outbursts and sometimes cruel thoughts my son says. My husband has learned to control most of his thoughts but not all. My husband has never been medicated and has learned great coping skills. We explain to our son how successful a person can be by knowing he has a daddy that is successful living a life with adhd. But back to get that attention you need! I get it. You are going to have to schedule your date nights. Leave him love notes and he will recipricate. He needs reminding all the time! It isn’t easy to love a spouse with adhd, but god only gives us what we can handle. I hope this helps. Love is the foundation and no I don’t think love is all it takes, but love and all your wonderful traits will help you! Prior to knowing that my husband had adhd, I would go crazy! Now I am aware of his typical behavoriora that the average person doesn’t do. Educating myself about adhd was the best thing for our marriage.