Reply To: Feeling resentful about his ADHD

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones Feeling resentful about his ADHD Reply To: Feeling resentful about his ADHD


“He was my heart, soul and world. I realized that I needed to be my own heart, soul and world and in working on that, I could better offer him my love and better share my life with him. Do all the fun things you ever wanted to do, follow your passions and you will get so much fulfilment and be even happier during the highs and more able to deal with the lows”

So……..I don’t curl up in a ball and cry anymore. A LOT of times want to, but I feel a trillion times worse afterwards.

I’m working hard to be the type who takes a step back, looks at the entire issue and makes a strategy to overcome before it can beat me.

I copied and pasted the words you wrote in your post on Oct 30th. What you wrote made me realize, at one of my extremely low points, that we have coping mechanisms. Your words got me through an awful, awful time.

We just have to keep posting and keep reminding each other how to apply those skills to cope.

That being said; do we want to be hashing out these soul-obliterating issues 20 years from now?

That would be insane.

My husband ( diagnosed with ADD in 1994 ) and I recently had our 26th anniversary.

When I look ahead, my feeling is to continue to live with the outlook you expressed on Oct 30th.

Very deep introspection is in order though.

You mentioned that your spouse takes medication. That’s his step in the right direction. Hopefully he makes other meaningful steps.

Weigh out whether there’s sincerity in even his smallest efforts. After 26 years I understand that is all I can hope for. That he is sincere in the smallest efforts. Meanwhile we do that wretched dance around the bigger issues.

There’s a verse from a very old book of writings that says: “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another…But besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union”

For me, because there is principled love in our marriage I do my best to apply that info.

I’m ok with looking for a reward for my patience from a higher source.

In the meantime I want to continue to also apply what you wrote in your post from Oct 30th.

You’re stronger than you think.