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#104015
emily.wellington
Participant

So I’ve only been with my husband for 3 years, but I relate very well to your post when I compare our marriage to your descriptions. We both think outside the box, life is never boring, but he is generally a little aggressive/dominant. It’s generally attractive when it’s with work, play, helping others, oror having sex, but he also seems to ‘thrive on controntation’ and gets defensive easily. He’s very protective of people he loves, is overly assertive in social situations and/or intimidatdes people. He looks like a rough tough guy but acts like a 4 year old in that he gets hangry quickly, and ‘crashes’ abruptly into naps from which he wakes up inr a sour mood. He also “can get very angry about something” that happened, convinced that it was done to him or assumes the worst of others “without caring one bit about the fact that he may have exploded at us and about it damaging his relationships” and so I am “left shaken and very upset” and exhausted. Ed also “gets very angry very quickly if he feels that he is challenged by someone – it may be an innocuous comment or when driving, there is always an assumption” that someone is purposely trying to offend him.
He gets stressed when there’s loud shouting from the kitchen
Yet to relax he listens to loud music”, metal mostly.
He seems to enjoy winding me up deliberately for his own amusement and does the same to any aquaintances nearby… he will come in and start playing his drums loudly, or drive too fast and make me cry out in alarm “while he says it’s just a joke”. but some days it gets me down. However he is also an extremely generous and considerate partner and friend. He is rigorously honest and easily endures physical pain and miserable working conditions. He has not received a true psych eval, that I know of, busy was going to counseling much of the last year. He’s 11 years clean and sober, but I wonder if his mood imbalances are a result of all the cocaine/crack/meth on top of working extremely hard for years doing dangerous physical labor and hustling in gang-type situations while dodging the cops and trying to keep a young family together. I’ve worked in the medical field and have learned a lot about neurophysiology due to my own addiction and ADD issues so I suspect the rubber band that is his brain chemistry has been worn out. His hormones have been taxed by imbalances caused by a rough upbringing, homelessness, liver&kidney damage, and decades of fight-or-flight mode. It’s amazing he’s living such a good life in light of his abusive parents, gang , staying awake not eating or drinking for days at time, bout of hepatitis C, carrying a bullet around in his back as a festering wound for 4 years, etc…
So I don’t know if Ed’s testosterone supplementation exacerbates his mood issues and high/low persona, but I don’t think it helps his edginess. There’s no way to be sure,but hormones are very powerful. I am constantly walking on eggshells shells or feeling whiplashes from riding the bipolar coaster, but I also have plenty of my own work to do, eap.since he doeant have anxiety or depression, is a fast talker and always arrives prepared and on-time. I can’t diagnose oe treat him, but even if diet and yoga could manage his mood, I also dont want him to turn into a flabby, passive, depressed and more tired person, so now I must trust the universe (via his doctors) to show me what to do on MY side of the street, and how to be with this complicated man.

Not sure that helped but it’s something to consider.