Hey @jwosh01, I’m Kendall, nice to meet you!
I can’t relate from life experience, but yes I have had those same feelings. The reality of uncertainty and internal instability is absolutely terrifying for me. It still is because I’m 19 years old on my own in college and have no concrete idea where to begin on my career path. It sends me into a state of paralysis sometimes because I’m overwhelmed by all the possibilities, along with the crippling fear of failure and disappointment. It feels suffocating because I always have assignments to do for my classes (which is fine), but I have trouble prioritizing them and end up doing everything at once most times.
This has gotten me in trouble, as I failed my first two semesters in school. I’m doing a lot better now grades wise, but I still have doubts as if I’m not doing all the right things to set myself up for my future career (I want to go into Psychology).
I will say this, while I am stifled/hindered by these fears, doubts, and insecurities, I take solace and refuge in the fact that while uncertainty is intimidating on the surface, it’s also liberating. I have control of my own destiny but only because I haven’t got started yet lol I’m still young. However, you also now have control of your own destiny. I’m sure you and your family knows you put everything you had into the job you had, and you’ll do the same with the job you get in the future. You can do anything, as long as you and your family knows that you won’t stop working to make sure that you all live the best lives you can. Yes, it’s scary, but what I would imagine is even scarier, is seeing your children feel hurt, sad, and disappointed themselves because their father feels the exact same way about his situation.
I would imagine your kids only want to see you happy, and enjoying your life going after what you want (career-wise and in general). It’ll be challenging for you yes, but don’t let your fears stop you from working on picking yourself back up. You have 4 children to look after & take care of, but you also have 4 children who believe in you as their father as well. Let your 4 children be motivators for you to outweigh your fears and keep working toward finding a new job or career. Usually, as one door closes, another one opens. You’ll find what you’re looking for. Just keep going.
Hopefully this helps,
-Kendall Boults Jr.