I have ADD (not ADHD) and was diagnosed at the age of 52, I will be 60 now in December.
My life is lined with a lot of failed relationships. The last failed relationship was when I was married with a man with ADHD for 10 years and it was a daily struggle with our completely different personalities, I am a ”sloth” and he is a ”ferret”. I had my own business AND a full time employment and worked 200% (as many other with ADD). I was always extremely tired and my brain constantly fall asleep after work but he didn’t accept that because he was always hyperactive and wanted us to work on the house or garden, a constant chore of getting things done and I was always exhaused and complained. Despite that I could sometimes focus on my computer for days or nights without eating or break and my behaviour was extremely annoying to him. We loved each other but could not live together and finally got divorced. (But nowadays we are the best friends ever!)
In summer 2015 I met a new man. He also have ADD and for the first time in my life I am allowed to be without any demands at all. He knows exactly how I works because he is very much like me and have similar experience of lack of understanding. (He is also a god friend with my ex-husband 😀 )
Conclusion: My personal experience is that a relationship between individuals with these diagnosis only works with someone who have the same diagnose, for both to be themselves. It is nearly – if not completely – impossible to know how someone works with ADD/ADHD if you don’t have it yourself, it always gets to conflicts even if you try to avoid it. It is pure logic.
But all you who succeed with a relationship with other ”species”: congratulation 🙂
The most important: You are not your diagnose, you have a diagnose!
Thank you for reading