Reply To: NO! You don't understand.

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You are correct, your mother does not know what you feel.she is under the common belief that behaviors and feelings are appropriate for all “normal” people and you are “normal” she assumes you do and feel a a predictable way. I assume this dynamic you mention has been going on a long time. Unfortunately you, too, are at risk for judging your actions and feelings using this same model. This constant struggle is hurtful. If sadness is expected and I’m not sad there is something wrong with me. I learn not to trust my feelings, or feel shame for not measuring up.

Many of us “Neuro-atypicals struggle with this internal and external invalidation. Quite a set-up for problems in all areas of life. It is a set up for abusive relationships. One common tactic of abusers is to keep their victim from identifying the abuse. After all if the victim can’t trust their feelings they can’t know if the pain is real or not.

Please trust yourself. Your feelings are your guide to reality.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by bbennettfnp.