Reply To: NO! You don't understand.

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#103582
setara
Participant

I don’t visit graves because for me the people are not there. Putting my beliefs aside, the people who we lost will all stay in our memories. And that’s what matters the most.
I’m also switching off my emotions A LOT. It helped me through some quite tough times. The only problem is that now it is going autopilot sometimes and I’m hiding me feelings so much that even I don’t know what is going on. And the biggest problem that I’ve noticed about switching off is that after a while it bursts out somehow. I’ve lost my mom when I was 17 and my brother-in-law committed suicide. Just yesterday I was thinking how I passed by his house two freaking times on the week that he died. It’s killing me to think I could have done something.
Anyway I also try to isolate myself from situations which trigger my memories. But I’m also trying to process these traumatic experiences. My method is remembering and after a while it won’t hurt. It sounds easy but it is really not.
I do not know your mom but maybe she thinks that going to the grave will somehow help you to process the loss. Because sometimes it’s good to face it. But who I am to speak because I haven’t seen my mother’s grave since her ashes were buried.