Reply To: My 7 year old son with ADHD is violent and aggressive to me. I am desperate.

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#102887
Iceland
Participant

I was reading about your concern and i totally understand you.
But to answer you and share my experience on the exact same problem this is going to be a long response. But I try to give you the most important stuff. In my family, almost everybody has Adhd. My wife has Adhd, My son was born with Adhd. Attention deficit, And hyper Activity. My two daughters have attention deficits. But it is by far worst for my son which is 11 now and within the last 2 years, My son shows exactly the same symptoms as your son.
our psychiatrist(Here in Iceland we must see a child psychiatrist first which then refer us to a doctor who is a specialist within this field)He concluded, after a 2-hour strict test that my son also has Emotional disturbance disorder (I think that is the right pronouncement). and this can only be treated with medicine. He is now on(i don’t know if it,s the same medical name in your country ) Sertral. Medicinet CR and Rison. And He is like a new kid. Some type of medication he was on slowed down his appetite so when they ran off, usually late evening he was unstoppable. His head was constantly in the fridge, eating everything, And I must say, he out eat me and I am a grown man. That changed when he got a different type of medication, Buth there are children that need medication to get the appetite up because it’s to soon to change medication.
When he wakes up in the morning he is calm for the first 10 min but then the Adhd take complete control and he is all over the place, screaming and shouting. BUT as soon as the 3 tablets kick in he is a completely different person. He always takes a deep breath and says “now I feel so much better” and he is off to school, Don’t get me wrong he still has bad days.
But, one thing is very important you absolutely must implement. That is a strict schedule. That he does the same thing every day, at nearly the same time(That’s the difficult one).because children with Adhd need a tight schedule, if not they get “lost” and then confused and angry.Especially when they have this type of deficiencies.
So my son starts and ends his day in the same way as every other day all year around. In the weekends he gets to stay up a little longer but except for no homework, everything else is the same. If he is behaving badly we use a proven tactic that is called “time out”.we put him in his room, take a cheer with us and sit in front of the door(My son is 11 and it is 1 min for every year)for 11 min and totally ignore him,he scream and curse to get my attention but he is totally ignored during 11 min. When ending I ask if he is ready to come out and behave well. he always says yes and no more talk about it. If he starts again it’s back in and starts over, and he knows it. But seriously it works. in 11 min he has lost a lot of bad energy and he is relaxed and he also has had the time to reflect over his behavior and he always apologize to either us or his sisters.
Computer games are strictly limited. Children with these Deficiencies only get worse if they have been a long time playing. My son has PlayStation 4 and Fortnight and other violent games are completely forbidden. My son is far more angrier and stressed after playing these games. and I hear from other parents that have “normal”(what is normal today)children that even they are far more angrier and stressed after playing these games,but for a child with ADHD its much worse, For them, it’s like getting drugs.
My son loves Lego and he uses my phone to watch Lego building on youtube. BUT only 30 min. That’s it. If he refuses to stop we tell him that he only gets 20 min tomorrow is he doesn’t listen, and the phone is off and returned. The thing is, the more calm you are the more they listen because as soon as you lose your temper or start to scream you but “more gasoline on the fire”.They get even more out of control. It’s difficult, I know, we are only humans and we sometimes lose it. but 19 out of 20 times I stay calm.on the 20th time, when I feel the anger come I walk away, take a deep breath and calm down. When I return, he is calm too and we get the work done.
Another thing is that most Adhd children are very competitive. sometimes I or my wife use that to get him dressed.”I bet I am done dressing before you, No way, You want to bet??” and he always wins. and the smile on his face, Priceless and the day saved. If he wants cookies before showering, My son like to start with 2-3 pcs, so we try different things to get him to shower first but here is one: Ok, why don’t you shower first and I’ll give you 3-4 pcs when you are done. a short break to let him think and then. If not you only get two. This always work for my son: We don’t normally have cookies in the house because it is without strict supervision it’s gone within 10 min. Another thing to remember, try to use short sentences when you talk to your son. Long sentences do not work, for example, ”go to your Room and put all your toys in its place and make your bed”.THAT do not work.
The only thing he gets is Room and toys and he thinks you tell him to play. I only say.”Your room, take your toys away, now” and when he is finished and before he leaves the room “and make your bed, now”. This short sentence sounds hard, like its Military but it’s a necessary evil and it goes in. He listens and when he is finished, we always give him credit, lift him up and praise him because children with Adhd have very low self-esteem and need constant approval.
I would love to chat more with you and anybody else about ADHD and problems you are facing. I would love to shear and help what I have learned after 11 years of constantly working with my son and Adhd. If you or anybody like to contact please don’t hesitate to send a mail to areyougrinding@areyougrinding.com