Your last paragraph really hit me-I felt so much identification with your experience. I too am a mix of brutality (to myself) and tenderness (to others). Professionals often say I’m too harsh on myself but I find that I am more accepting of reality when I face it head-on, good or bad. I am trying to ease up on the judgments I make towards myself; I often pretend to be a stranger viewing my behaviour and this helps as no human has ever been more harsh with me than I have been to myself. I wish you good fortune in the wars to come 😹❤️