Reply To: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying

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#102677
sally-c
Participant

Hi – I know too much of your story from what has happened to people I am very close to. No one is a demon, from what I have read – including your understandably-exhausted family members. The entire family – that’s including you and the rest of your extended family – are getting hit over and over. No one and no family can keep taking it without harsh ramifications! You need and deserve support. And so does your family. I’m glad you found this site – and all of us.
There isn’t a quick fix…which all ADHDers of course want. Even if you were a candidate for medication – medication doesn’t solve everything. You are you. Live your best self. Comparing yourself to others…or wasting time beating yourself up on the past or on “if only I could take medication”…is counter-productive. Start with now.
Be you. Be your best “You”. As my mother always said, “You can only do the best you can do. If you do that, I will always be proud of you. If you are a “C” student I will be as proud of you for bringing home a report card with a “C” as an “A” student bringing home an “A”.” She also let us daughters know that “If you are an “A” student I will NOT be happy with a “C” on your report card! I expect each of you to do your very best. That is all I – you – or anyone has a right to expect of anyone!” I grew up when there wasn’t a name or ANY understanding for ADHD or Dyslexia. I have held what my mother told us close to my heart all of my life. It has been a guide for how I try to treat others, as well as myself. It is, and she was, simple, honest, condensed-wisdom. I’ll share my mother’s kindness and wisdom with you. Make it yours. It would make her happy to do so.
She also told me, looking straight into my eyes,
“Dear, just listen to me. Don’t listen to anyone else. I know you are SMART.”
To this day I can see her face unusually close to mine…looking me straight in the eyes. Every fiber of her was intent on connecting with me. She knew, what I then did not understand, that she had to plant this “seed of belief” down deep inside of me, to grow and sustain me through storms and calms – for a lifetime. Bless her…it took root.
Educating yourself, healing, challenging yourself – It isn’t a FAST, adrenalin pumping fix…and perfection is a ridiculous concept. But, this is YOUR LIFE…yours and no one else’s. Create your future…it is worth the work, with the inevitable back slides – and the bigger steps forward. It’s an adventure. No adventure is comfortable…because it requires trying new things and running into an occasional wall…but that is ALWAYS the nature of growth. Take the time to recognize and applaud each step forward that you make as a badge that YOU HAVE EARNED. And don’t allow more than a moment of upset, when you slip a step backward…just check in and laugh…NOPE! I’m going forward!
“But I don’t know where to start,” you say. You have already, successfully, started. You found your tribe. Congratulations! And Welcome! This site can help you realize that you are NOT ALONE…11 Million in the US live with ADHD – Mexico won’t be any different. There are therapists and researchers and people trying so hard, like you, to figure out what this is…the Gifts and the TRUE DIFFICULTIES. And we all are here to learn from each other and together we will find solutions to share. Stay with us…keep reading and listening. You have started.
Your parents and family might appreciate this site, too. It’s a place where they could independently learn, interact and ask questions of others who have been similarly affected. They need to heal, too. It is crazy-making for everyone involved. You can’t change a lot of things…but this site can help.
I’m not a therapist, but I know what it’s like to watch, and devote years trying to help, people I love go through what you have described. And I have first-hand knowledge of finally not being able to take more! And, just this year, I now know what it is like to have had MY CONFIDENCE EARNED BACK!!!
Someone I love, whose story is not very different from your own, finally kicked METH – AND he earned his GED (high school credentials) – after a decade of attempts and 3 demoralizing failures to pass that last required course. And he is now on a full month’s trip to the country of his choice…earned by achieving his GED. He is over 30 now…but I am SO PROUD OF HIM! It was NOT easy…but he did not give up. I could not be prouder of him if he had earned a graduate degree! Not even a close contender!
My urgent plea to you is that you get SERIOUS, immediate ASSISTANCE and get off of Meth – and NEVER go back to it. It’s the most terrible of drugs. My above loved-one has only 10% heart function because of Meth. Another lost loved-one had every tooth disintegrate – before she was 30. Another has had multiple pregnancies – with other meth addicts. ADHD and addictive genes are highly genetic. What chance do these children have? All of the people I know who have become addicted to Meth (which can be with a single use) have gone to jail because of METH. Treasure those you have and work to give them a Dad who has worked hard to rebuild his life. It will take time to do…but it is so worth it!
I hope you can hear love coming from my words.