Reply To: Feeling resentful about his ADHD

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Hey @C1957, I’m Kendall. Nice to meet you.

I am VERY sorry that you’re not feeling well in your relationship. It hurt me to read your post because I HAVE ADHD myself, and I understand that we’re difficult to deal with on a daily basis. I’m not in a relationship, but I do understand my effect on other people at times. My family had a tough time getting through to me because I space out or shut down so much. It got to the point where my family was pretty much yelling at me and pulling their hair out to get their point across. It was VERY VERY frustrating and disappointing for myself and for them.

I’m 19 & in college now and I just wanted all of us to be at peace while I’m away from home. That requires me to work on the many issues that my ADHD causes me. Whether it’s not communicating/socializing with people, blurting something out inappropriately, or just not listening to anyone, etc. These things can DESTROY relationships, and almost damaged mine with my family. I have to work on the challenges that ADHD brings me so I won’t have to rely on other people to do it for me. Then, I’ll hopefully find a fulfilling relationship someday where my ADHD is as small of an issue as it can be for both of us. It’s a challenge that I take on every single day, because I understand that the lives of the people who I’ll meet in the future will be MUCH more challenging for them, with me & my ADHD to deal with. So I have to make sure that I’m improving myself every single day so that A) I can flourish & live on my own and B) Other people aren’t as burdened with me as they would be.

It sounds to me like your husband needs to really hear your grievances & take on the responsibility of his ADHD himself, so that the burden doesn’t fall squarely on your shoulders.

Hopefully this helps,
Kendall Boults Jr.