Dr. Ross Greene’s organization has a Parent Tour on the website. It is free, and gives an overview of his approach.
We treat our child’s behavior as an anxiety issue and have to consistently and persistently “Change the lens” on issues for teachers and school administration. When we set up the 504, we made a point of using language with a “lagging skills” approach.. rather than perpetuating the myths that our child is lazy/deliberately rude etc.
If you do not have a 504/IEP in place, I recommend requesting an evaluation for both of these items in writing. By putting it I writing it is now in their court to document and discuss the findings with you/your husband.