You do need help, and you don’t need to apologize for that.
You sound depressed on top of everything else, which is one of the reasons you’re having trouble getting out of this cycle. I don’t think anyone in this group can help you, although I know we’d all like to.
Do you have any access to therapy? You need that, and probably some antidepressants or other medication. It doesn’t have to be forever, but right now you need a way to refocus and even relax. Nothing is going to change overnight, but it can get A LOT better. If you don’t have access to therapy or don’t know where to look, make an appointment with your doctor.
Please see what’s available to you, even if it feels like another “job.” Let the other things go for now.