h22k22 I appreciate your message, it’s upli and heartwarming. Thank you.
I hear you and what you say makes sense. And I’m listening. But my heart won’t get on board. You said to take a week to cry but it’s already been 4. I just can’t shake this. I want to stop thinking about her but I can’t do it. I can’t even accept that it’s over. She said in 6 months it’s not impossible that we’d get back together. And I know this is something that people just say to get exes off their back but I can’t shake the hope that maybe she might come back.
Amongst other reasons, she mainly left because of my ADHD. She’s meticulous in her organization, and I’m cluttered, disorganized, and slow in doing things. I’ve been trying to spend my time now getting my house perfect the way she wanted and the way I always wished it could be. And to be honest, I can’t say I haven’t accomplished anything. I’ve painted my daughters room, cleared out my basement, made 9 trips to the dump getting rid of old things. But there’s still a lot to do and the place is still messy.
I’m trying to have hope but I feel hopeless. I feel like a failure and a piece of shit. Other than my kids I haven’t got much of a support network. The friends who were helping me have drawn away, saying I’m wearing them out. I feel completely alone, miserable, unlovable.
I need help but no one can help me. It’s all inside you, I keep hearing. You need to do it for yourself, you need to fix yourself, only you can do it…
I’ve been contemplating ADHD for years now. One thing I only recently learned about is the potential effect of ADHD on emotions. I feel them so intensely both good and bad. I don’t think the way I’m feeling is ‘normal’ Other people seem to cope with hurt much better than me.
I don’t know what to do. I’m trying so hard, but things don’t seem to be getting better. I’m even talking to mental health professionals and that process is so slow and uncertain.
My resolve, what little I have, is faltering. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I’m sorry :/