Reply To: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying

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#101983
janag
Participant

Hello there,

From what you have written, it sounds like you have always been a receptive and sensitive child with a very rich inner world, with all the scenarios going in your head, perhaps overthinking things a little?

Well there is a silver lining to every cloud and yours is that you have been finally diagnosed with ADHD and all of sudden, the things were started to make a perfect sense.

All the day dreaming, constantly forgetting things, starting and not finishing things, perhaps stress and anxiety associated with learning new things and skills, right?

As far as my story was concerned, I only found out about 3 weeks ago through a You Tube video and the guy was describing my life story. I was literally jumping for joy that a host of symptoms I have been experiencing whole my life could be clustered together and it has a name!

All of sudden, I was NOT a crazy person and the most importantly, I was not alone !!!!
Knowing that there are thousands of people going through similar struggles provided me a strange comfort.

On the other hand, I am NOT a big medications fan.
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and was given various medications. They did not help with my condition, they made me like a zombie and I could still feel emotional pain, despair and fears I had prior to medications.

I have always been very intuitive about my other disorders, like BPD and social anxiety ( which I now have completely healed – medication free ). I figure, that the plaster over a massive emotional wound won’t do it. I tried to figure WHAT makes me so depressed and anxious and how can I heal without covering the root problem.

EXAMPLE:

I figured, that I was very fearful of people and felt very easily intimidated – and I would not confront them. So, I started reasonably confront people when was required and I started to feel better about myself, more confident, because I established the boundaries.

Coming to the point, with my ADHD, I always got so stressed out and frustrated when learning new things, that I would very frequently try to relieve the stress by the way of escapism: playing the music, browsing the internet or going on Facebook.

I have always been a person who got so easily bored, I would try to entertain myself ALL the time. I would set to swat for an exam in the morning and then I would get carried away after 10 minutes and then ended up binge watching the movies, for the rest of the afternoon.

This was my form of ” escapism ” so to speak. So I figure, I need a structure in my life.

EXAMPLE:

I would not allow myself to check the phone for next 8 hours, when studying or working, because I was only looking for next thing to entertain me.

ADHDs generally lack structure and organisation and this HAS to be introduced into our lives.

I have always thought that I suffer of learning disability of some sort.
But because our minds are so all over the place, it is not a disability, but rather distraction as our mind is in 10 different places at the same time!

As for you:

Do you think you could undergo a therapy sessions with your therapist, rather than medicate? Perhaps, it would be useful to establish where your ADHD come from, what is a root of a problem?

Mine was the lack of a structure when I was growing up.
Our home had been always very chaotic, with mother, father & grandma constantly arguing, shouting.

I grew up in a messy home and we kids would have NO structure and routine whatsoever.
As a child, I found it very difficult to follow a rigid structure of school environment with so many different classes and demands – I found it very overwhelming and emotionally draining.

By the time, I was attending a secondary school, I was a nervous wreck and was experiencing severe permanence related anxiety and depression.

I was failing to keep up with classes and was struggling to pay attention. I didn’t get along with my classmates and was labelled as the most disorganised person on the planet by teachers and students alike.

By the time I came out of secondary school, not only did I acquire zero social skills ( as I was shunned for being ugly and stupid, so I would not talk to anyone ) but had ( what I thought ) a massive learning disability, that would set me off for the life of failure.

I would also highly suggest journaling and thus ” decluttering ” your day before you go to bed. It had a massive impact on my ADHD. Going through a day and assessing your day is one of the best thing I have ever done.

Example from my personal diary:

The first thing you have done when you woke up is going to Facebook.
This is not acceptable a you lost half an hour in the morning!

Well done for reading a book for an entire hour without attempting to entertain yourself ( food, Wassup, doing nails, etc…)

I hope that some of it will make sense to you!