So are they calling you to just inform you of what’s going on at school or to ask you to “fix” the situation?
My son is almost 18 so lots of years of dealing with school here. One thing I found that often helped in these situations was to say “ok thanks for letting me know- so what are you planning on doing about it ?” I often felt school was too quick to call me for a solution. Those calls that forced me (I felt forced anyway) to have to be the case manager resulted in me having PTSD and my sons ADHD morphing into Severe anxiety, depression, school refusal and now him dropping out of school this year – 12th Grade. So
He doesn’t get to graduate with his friends and who feels like the failure – him and me. Even though I feel the school should be partly to blame as well.
I’m hoping my story will help someone like you to advocate better than I did. If he doesn’t have an IEP or 504 then you should request a full psychoeducational evaluation. There are form letters on this website you can use as a guide.
You should also request a meeting in the meantime with all involved parties to figure out exactly why he is having these behaviors. I just came from a workshop with Dr Ross Greene – if you are not familiar with him please google him. His website Lives in the Balance is very helpful in these exact situations. He believes kids do well if they can and if they are not doing well then we need to figure out why. That means you have to involve the student in the solution. If you just have adults trying to impose unilateral solutions they will rarely work, everyone will be more frustrated and precious time will be lost.
And please make sure you are taking care of yourself through all of this. I didn’t for awhile and that was hard because I couldn’t be as available to my kids since I was trying to play catch up and take care of the part of me I had ignored for a long time.