@connerrr is right — your mindset and your thinking plays a big role.
It sounds like it may be time to consider depression or anxiety in addition to your ADHD. What you describe sounds a lot like social anxiety (I have it and I am super hard on myself, feel like everyone is judging me, and prefer to never be around strangers – which isn’t possible).
Get an appointment with a therapist or counselor and explore how you’re feeling and options to get on a path of improvement.
If you ever feel that you may act on the feelings of “ending it,” please reach out to the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. They have an online chat option here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism