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You have definitely summed up my life too! Although I have a diagnosis, and medication; the benefits just seem to wear off so quickly and it’s incredibly frustrating. My psychiatrist makes me feel as though I’m just seeking more drugs even though he truly tries to not come across that way; I feel like he’s thinking it.
Anyway, my biggest struggle is when I try to actually take the time to read these online forums and articles to try and help, when I should be doing something else! My 12yr old son has ADHD/ASD diagnosis (low on the spectrum of ASD, it’s hardly noticeable, but still there) We have wipe off boards a bulletins all over our house and (although I’m getting better) I often forget to even look at them. Recently I started writing que words on index cards and regular things we(he) forgets on bright colored paper and taping them on the walls in multiple places they’re likely to be in view when we need to remember them. I too am great at putting things on my calendar, but have sometimes forgotten after the reminder has reminded me between the time of event or task to do. One suggestion I was given for this was to change the notification sounds and alarm sounds on my phone maybe every week or every other day if you need to, so we’re less likely to shrug off the sound, and also move the signs around once a week or so, so you don’t get used to seeing them and they’re less easy to ignore.
My last suggestions is this book I just started reading called “The Adult ADHD Toolkit” by J. Russell Ramsay (PhD) & Anthony L. Rostain (MD) I’m only a chapter or two in (because I can’t always justify the time to read it & suck at designating time for it) but just the first little bit I’ve read has sounded so promising. I’ve also been told about how helpful cognitive behavioral therapy can be, & then I found some lectures on youtube by Dr. Russell Barkley that have been helpful in explaining ADD/ADHD & he has some books about ADHD I’m waiting for the library to get. I just found his lectures to be reassuring in that it’s not laziness, or “bad parenting” it’s something that we can’t help and there are supports and treatments out there to help.
I hope this helps! You’re most certainly not a bad parent or alone in this!