Reply To: Frustrated I can’t do the most simple things as a mum. Any advice please?

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#101695
fuscia
Participant

First of all, you are not alone with this! So many moms are drowning in perceived expectations, even non-ADHD moms. There is so much, as John Mayer put it yesterday “Other Stuff” we are bombarded with all day. Are you a single mom? Because that will mean you’re doing twice the work. I had to just be honest and forth rite with my husband and daughter. I’ve been unemployed since 2012 and sort of ended up a SAHM, no I’m fine with getting the shitty stuff done around the house and going to the store, so when my husband is off we can just enjoy our together time, but I did say plainly that I need help, and I can’t do all this alone, because I forget, or just get sick of doing it everyday. Plus, I want to set a good example for our daughter, I don’t want her growing up thinking that it’s the woman’s job to do all this shitty house work. My mom did ALL the house work and worked full time, that was not right or fair. Infact a lot of my parents dynamic made me want to NOT ever get married. My struggles are, that my husband has OCD and I think inattentive type ADHD, so he’s in his own work and not seeing the stuff that needs to be done or fixed, or he’s just not to concerned with keeping the yard trimmed because he doesn’t care what the neighbor’s think. Where I’m always hyper aware of everything and see everything that’s breaking on the house or the over flowing piles of stuff, and get over whelmed when I look at it to tackle. I struggle with all the stuff the school sends home, I have hoarding tendencies. I’m always fighting to keep life simple, but when you’re at this stage of life with young kids in school, it’s very complicated, stressful, and messy! So what you gotta do is ditch the guilt and be kind to yourself. Do you love your family? Then focus on that positive. I worry about my families nutrition too, and I get bored with what I make. But I routinely make the same thing over and over, and it’s really simple, and you can make these too:
Steak on the grill, thin cut steak takes like 10 minutes on a gas grill if you got one!
Chicken wings in the oven:
Oven 425, put chicken wings in a large baking pan, sprinkle with seasoned salt, cook until crispy and brown! My daughter loves these. All kids love the crispy chicken skin, let them eat it!
Breaded Chicken Tenders: get some chicken tender loins, mix up some flour with seasoned salt, garlic powder, paprika, chile powder, and pepper, beat 2 eggs in another dish, and put plain flour in another, dip chicken in flour, then egg, then the seasoned flour, cook in a skillet with some healthy low smoke oil like sunflower oil, brown on both sides, then put in a 400 oven for 5-10 more minutes.
Chile so Easy, but will be very salty:
Canned: crushed tomato, chile seasoned diced tomatoes, tomato paste, 3 cans of beans, I usually do 4 canolini, black, black eyed peas, dark red kidney, brown the ground beef first, then add all the stuff and let simmer. Canned food is really salty tho :/ I’m working on a vegetarian version with quinoa instead of meat.
Instead of a main course with sides, just eat sides, they’re the best anyway.
Who says you can’t have cereal for dinner? lol
I make a lot of simple stuff, I try to grill a lot because it’s so damn easy. I don’t get too into seasoning or complicated recipes. And I only make 1 side which is usually the green beans. I don’t worry about having a carb like rice or bread, intact we don’t eat bread or pasta. People get way more carbs than they need all day.
Find out what fruits and veggies your kids like, especially raw and just get tons of those. On day when I’ve made my daughter something I feel is unhealthy for dinner, I always pair it with a healthy veg or fruit.
We don’t drink soda or juice, only water. At school it’s different, and it’s not like we never ever drink soda, we just don’t keep it in the house. Also, my husband and I don’t drink alcohol, I have a hard enough time thinking straight and being on point.
I’m really into fitness and nutrition, or wellness which is psychological as well. I run 3-4 times a week and this has helped me so much! Running isn’t for everyone so try to find something where you are really exerting yourself for 20-30 minutes to exercise the demons that come with having ADHD. They can’t keep up with that! HIIT workouts are great! Try to avoid processed foods and eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies, drink lots of water, limit caffeine, I’m trying to eliminate caffeine/coffee but I’m not there yet! And try to get as much rest as you can. I think ADHD people are always some what sleep deprived so take naps if you can or try to wind down early enough so you can get your Zzzzzs.
Deligate tasks to your kids if it’s age appropriate. Teach them to do their own laundry and hold them accountable for cleaning up their messes. It’s important for kids to see the house as team effort, we all live here so we’re all responsible for taking care of it and keeping it clean. My daughter has suddenly become more helpful and I thank her for it and give her a hug. Kids love getting love. So always replace your inequalities with love, Love covers a multitude of sins after all. I’m not always the happy, gentle, patient, loving mom, my ADHD puts me on edge and I often get over whelmed by the noise and pressure of trying to be a perfect mom and parent to my daughter, but with no examples of my own to draw from. I was abused as a child and rejected by my dad. None of that shit bothered me until my daughter was born. Suddenly I had issues, and I often struggle to relax and just connect and enjoy my time with her. So get help if you needed. Whether it’s a counselor, a baby sitter (my husband refuses to hire a baby sitter, so this is an issue) or some one to come help with the house work or organization. If you are like me and can’t afford, just give yourself credit and remember that you are doing the best you can with what you’ve been given. If you fell a little short today, just learn from it and try harder tomorrow. Kids mostly need to be loved, respected, given a safe stress free home to be themselves in. Kids need to be loved and accepted by their parents. Good nutrition is kind of a plus. But love and acceptance is what we all need most. So focus on that. I can’t run multiple things at once, I need to keep it simple, so I focus on being as loving as I can, and often times that takes so much effort on my part that it’s all I can do.
More food:
Veggies: I buy the steam bags of broccoli, beans, and corn
My daughter loves green beans, beans, tomatoes, cucumbers blue berries, plums, peaches, strawberries so I always have lots on hand so she eats those hopefully more than the other crap she likes.
Spaghetti is so easy, add ground beef to the sauce and bam you’re done!
Get the kids involved in the kitchen, ask them what they like to eat, have a pretend cooking show with their toys and let them be in on the cooking process. Don’t limit yourself to traditional dinner fare, eat what ever you want at dinner. Keep it simple and fun. Life is short, none of this shit matters when we die, only that we loved and allowed ourselves to be loved.