Reply To: Feeling resentful about his ADHD

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Thanks for your detailed reply @Spaceboy 99. Quite honestly, I feel like crying reading all these comments. It’s made me realize how much I thought I was considering everything, but often will get wrapped up in my own feelings instead of respecting how truly difficult it is for my DH.

I had tried using safewords before, but on a day without his meds I did wind up finding it so overwhelming and then the safeword got used ao much that it lost impact. The touch on the arm thing I tried too but it didn’t work 🙁

I haven’t tried the list. He had asked me to make one in the past but I feel so cruel doing it. I feel like it’s showing someone their flaws that maybe they’re working hard not to do or almost like a trick if I write it that it’d only point me out as cruel. But I guess he sensibly asked for it and in this case I should stop worrying and do that. I think it’s a good idea what you said about using this instead of a safeword because it’s explicit things rather than being applied to too many things.

Meds. We both agree he’s better on them. We’ve tried alarms, leaving them in places he goes to in the morning etc. The worst are weekends. He can’t sleep when he is on them, so sometimes he skips a day or two to get rest and it’s hell for me. Luckily he has started to tell me what days he’ll skip so that I can be prepared. But yes, weekends he sleeps in to make up for the sleep he lost in the week and then winds up not taking his meds. If any of you are on meds, have you faced this type of issue of not being able to sleep or skipping on meds? Also any further advice on how to help remind him. I don’t like to be a nagging person telling him to take them (plus he says really hurtful things when I do that). For phone alarms, from the point of turning the alarm off he winds up distracted by messages or the news etc. We then put meds by his bed, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in the car…I think the car tends to work, but if we’re not going out then he more than likely won’t be taking his meds on a weekend (either one or both days). That’s the bulk of time I get to spend with him and yet the time he’s most disruptive.

A real win from my view would be just one weekend where I don’t end up in tears, whether only a few or more. This has been going on for years now and I guess I woke up one day and realized it was exhausting and not really right for me to be crying every week.

I’m not ready to pack it all in. I feel like we can make this work, just some fundamental changes no matter how small need to be made.