Reply To: How old is too old for a "tattle book"?

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#101626

DON”T IGNORE IT! YOU HAVE TO FIGHT PETTY B.S. with PETTY B.S. The average ADD kid receives 12,000 ADDITIONAL negative messages by the time they finish middle school compared to the “normal” kid. That’s 12,000 EXTRA negative messages and your school sees fit to double down on that?! NO WAY!! Start documenting like hell, get a plan, get an outside counselor and advocate, advocate, advocate for your kid! Social anxiety, the fear of getting it wrong and being “that” parent keeps a lot of ADD parents out of the school but I watch the “sorority” moms at the school (I’m stuck at a private school becasue of the divorce settlement so I am learning the ropes – we are super smart, creative, talented A.D.D. people USE your SUPERPOWERS) and they flipping live there! You don’t have to win every argument you just have to have more of them so your odds go up. If the “it” moms are winning 50% and we’re winning 100% of the conflicts I bet they are winning 200% more than us because they are having several micro-conflicts a day with teachers, other parents, administration, etc. and we are having MAYBE several conflicts a year or some of us a school (3-4 for elementary school, 3-4 for middle school and 3-4 for high school – whew! thank god we’re done! They have that many before lunch!). I get it. I hate it. I’m not wired that way. I do not want to be a helicopter parent but I will tell you what! ever since I started volunteering at the school, parking and walking in for pick-ups and drop-offs BEING SEEN. Saying all those sugary sweet why bless your heart I noticed your new bulletin board or the new grading scale or Whatever the teachers know I am paying attention and all of a sudden my child (who I though it kept happening to because of her ADD) doesn’t get the late pass, or the 89 in art for lack of creativity, or C in gym for forgetting her shorts, etc. because they know they will have to deal with me and as a very naive and idealistic ADD mom I have finally figured out that the petty teachers want LESS work and to hit the door at 4 and anything you do to slow that down is a pain in their a** so they will move on to the kid whose parent is more distracted (a little like the lazy burglar who goes past the house with the alarm sticker – you don’t even have to have the alarm system just the sticker if you are a pain in the ass from day 1 you can coast off that for most of the school year and only REAL problems get brought up). The advice from the mom that says create some MEASURABLE goals and reward good behavior is great and it puts the work back in their laps. Lets see how important it is to them. If they step up to the plate of more work than maybe it is worth looking at, but I will tell you another thing IGNORING IT IS MAKING IT WORSE FOR YOUR KID BECAUSE IGNORING ABUSE BRINGS OUT THE BULLY IN EVEN THE MILDEST PERSON. NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS AND A SILENT PARENT OFTEN MAKES THEIR KID AN EASY TARGET!!! Like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory my ADDer loves rules, so I had to tell her one of “the rules” of social interaction is that it is often nebulous, arbitrary and subjective. And you have to let it go and not get hyperfocused on it or take it too seriously or the ADD individual starts getting scapegoated because they care so much about getting it right.

You are not who they say you are, you are who you say you are.
~ Jason Alexander