Reply To: I can’t forgive and forget and bare grudges

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Hello Everyone, So sorry for this being as lengthy as it is. Funny this comes up now. Tomorrow would have been my 14th wedding anniversary with my now ex-husband who is an architect. A big part of the marriage not working out was he knew a lot about my ADHD (read cover to cover “Driven to Distraction”), knew what I did for a living, (which was not a $100,000 job), knew I wasn’t highly educated and knew my troubles in school. Knew a lot about me and my living and workings. As he puts it “He thought he would try it out and it just didn’t work out”. Didn’t think we would have lasted 6 months. Wanted me out of the house 8 months after we wedded. Threatened me on our Hawaiian honeymoon. Called me names, never honored or thought my dialogue was worthy enough to take in account. Never encouraged or complimented me, and thought that I was good for one thing. Pretty much there was one person in the marriage, me. I am going to be 52 years of age in a couple of weeks. The marriage was annulled 7 seven years ago. I unfortunately found it was not wise after a couple of years into the marriage of having children with him (although I wanted them bad). He is now 62 living in our home with a woman 14 years younger then him from Trinidad who is a Mathematician is now 48 years of age. They now have a 4 yr. old little girl.

With the foundation set up here I wanted to point out that I realized after much debating in my head, he punished me for having ADHD. I have suffered with ADHD since 4 years of age with countless times being a guinea pig on finding the right meds to function on a day to day basis. I have worked for a University for 32 years so out of the grace of God I have been able to keep a job or jobs and have found the right combo for meds to help me function not perfect, but better. I found my way of learning, but of course where I work, there are sometimes 400 students to a class. I cannot take large amounts of information so I have to take classes that meet once a week or once every two weeks to do well in them. My brother who is 2 1/2 years older then me, was blessed with the academic intelligence.
With that said, my brother tends to be arrogant and my ex-husband was arrogant and lied a lot. I refuse to deal with people this way. One because as you might feel, ADHD is my workings. I didn’t ask for this, get mad at God for cursing me with this, and hate the fact that someone was caring enough to read about it, but yet enter into something so sacred and left me with nothing while he lives my dream. I have to say that I’m not really mad, but most of all disappointed and hurt to have believed in someone who I thought would be there and work with me. I wish I could put a band aid on this, but as you know we can’t. It is hard to imagine he is now living my dream with someone else who also obtained my dream and I came up empty handed. From sources, they are both very condescending people. Something I do not wish to be. I still have troubles day after day. I think as I get older it seems to get worse. But I still try to be on top of things as best as I can. There are two things I hate in people and that is deceitfulness and arrogance. I have no need to be around people that way, it only upsets me on how they can be.
Back in April, 2014, I lost my Grandfather. When the services were planned an email was sent to my ex stating not to be near the services and not to contact me in any way. He burned me as well with paying me insurance money and settlement money. So I just don’t want to converse be in his presence within an inch of me and my family. I have given instructions to friends and family, if anything ever happened to me, I don’t want him within an inch of my services or family and I will never have never attend services for him or be in contact with his family as long as I am living on this Earth. I have no need of those kind of people in my life. I have struggled, but not made ADHD a crutch. So it may be I don’t forgive him by not wanting to even be in the presence with him, but it is basically, I don’t want to be around someone who can treat someone like he treated me. I would rather be alone. Someone who uses and abuses you, calls you names, never encourages or compliments you. Tells you over and over again how much he hates you and is basically plain mean, whoosy in my opinion, never sees the struggles that had and have accomplished to this day. Basically everything his way or no way. My only wish is that their little girl never finds someone like him to believe in and will hopefully, but probably have the same condescending attitude as her parents.