Reply To: Frustrated I can’t do the most simple things as a mum. Any advice please?

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#101490
Krismchacer
Participant

Please please quit dwelling on the negative sides of ourselves!! We so relate to this post because it reinforces how we all feel as people with ADHD, mothers, and women in general. We are pulled from all sides and judged by others and ourselves constantly! Every mother I have ever spoken to feels inadequate. But don’t forget about our strengths!! Are you creative and fun with your children? Can you dream up new ways to do one boring thing and make it exciting and new? Our children will not suffer because dinner is pizza once or twice a week. In fact, why aren’t they helping you with the menu and the cooking if they are so fussy? Even a small child can rip lettuce into a bowl or bring things from the fridge/cupboard. sometimes if we show them the time and effort involved, they stop being so fussy. My rule at my house with my kids was that they had to take at least one bite of everything, every time it is served (because tastes change and sometimes it is prepared differently). If they don’t like it, they have 1 go-to choice, relatively nutritious, like peanut butter and jelly sandwich with raw veggies. Or hummus and whole wheat crackers. Or whatever. One choice, every time. And as soon as they are old enough to make it themselves, they need to make it, when they choose not to eat what you’ve prepared. Believe me, they will suddenly start thinking that what is served really isn’t all that bad. It is giving a choice, and teaching consequences of that choice. As long as you run your house like a restaurant, with you the cook, purchaser, clean-up, and menu planner, you will be frazzled.
You have great strengths that are not always appreciated–use them and love them. Ask for help when needed, such as: “Honey, I have to focus on this for 10 minutes. Can you set the kitchen timer and then come back to me?” Then make sure you put down whatever it is (whether you’re done or not) and focus on your child. It goes a long way to teaching your kids to appreciate themselves, other people’s limitations and their ability to work with these situations. It also helps you to manage time better and focus on one thing at a time. And manage priorities: childrens’ minds, hearts, and emotional needs MUST come first. But we are only 1 person. So kitchens may get dirty or laundry rewashed (I am NOTORIOUS for this!!), but the children feel love from you always. That is a GREAT mom. And I agree with the other comments–there are tricks and things to try (I am partial to kitchen timers all over the house–one by the basement door to remind me to change the laundry!), but there is no grade for good parenting. They will learn their own way in life if you teach them the basics. And your desire to improve for your kids shows you are a good mum.
And P.S., I also had the problem getting up in the mornings. It caused me jobs, missed performances at school, missed field trips, you name it. I am on ADHD stimulant medication and learned to set one alarm for 2-3 hours ahead of when I needed to get up. I keep the meds and water at my bedside, take the pill, and go back to sleep. By the time my second alarm goes off, I am able to function way better. And as you feel more successful, you won’t dread getting up and starting the day so much.