I can completely relate to this. I have many interests, but as soon as something starts to demand focus/consistency, I become frustrated and bored. Over time, I think this has eroded my confidence… I feel that while other people are out there developing skills and pursuing “their thing”, I am stuck spending my time in passive ways and feeling detached. That lack of confidence discourages me even further from trying new things and applying myself… so it’s a vicious cycle.
I feel almost like I’m paralyzed. I do well enough at work because I care so much about what other people think of me. But the amount of effort I make still falls short of my ambition level.
Likewise, I want to make friends, but I just don’t do it. Actually putting in the work, getting to know people and spending time with them just seems so exhausting that I end up avoiding it. I worry that I’m becoming too reliant on the people I do have in my life (partner and family).
Being diagnosed helped me understand what’s going on, and that it’s not just laziness or some other character flaw. I am on ritalin now and am more productive at work, but still not really “engaged” in my life.
Working on that will involve building up my confidence again, in addition to treating the ADHD directly. My therapist recommended starting with really small goals… rather than saying, “I’ll practice music every day from now on!” start with three times a week. That way, you build up slowly and are less likely to “fail” and feel discouraged.