Relationships

Forgiving My ADHD Impulsivity: Will She Get Over It?

When ADHD impulsivity results in infidelity and lies, non-ADD spouses sometimes struggle to forgive.

Undermining a partner’s trust — by having an affair or lying about something important — can damage your relationship for good.

The best way to help your non-ADHD partner forgive you isn’t to rush her, but to acknowledge her hurt while letting her know that you’re trying hard to avoid making the same mistake. In your case, this might include eliminating your ex-girlfriend from your e-mail contacts and Facebook Friends list, as well as promising your partner that you won’t contact your ex again.

Telling your partner, however gently, to get over her feelings, only creates more hard feelings, because you are denying her pain. You’re saying that her feelings about your indiscretion don’t matter as much as yours. Be patient and penitent.

Do you have a question? Post it to our discussion forums, and check back often to read her answers and to see what other ADDitude readers are asking.

[Click to Read: “What I Love About My Wife with ADHD”]

Melissa Orlov is a contributor to ADDitude, a coauthor of Married to Distraction (#CommissionsEarned), and the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage (#CommissionsEarned).

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