Top Emotion Regulation Difficulties for Youth with ADHD
Emotion regulation difficulties in youth with ADHD range from irritability to DMDD. Here, caregivers cite the most challenging aspects of ERD for their children.
Is your child’s irritability a normal, age-appropriate reaction or an indication of emotion regulation difficulties (ERD)? It’s difficult to tell, leaving many caregivers feeling anxious and uncertain about their child’s diagnosis.
During a recent ADDitude webinar on irritability, we asked nearly 1,000 attendees, “What is the most challenging aspect of emotion regulation for your child or patient?” Here are the answers they gave:
- Dysregulation of emotions in the moment (e.g., feelings often subjugate thinking): 37.8%
- Intensity of felt emotions (e.g., sudden, violent outbursts): 34%
- Unrelenting nature of irritability (e.g., always angry, bristly, mean): 14%
- Poor recognition of other people’s feelings (e.g., apparent and/or real lack of empathy): 7.1%
- Frequency of mood changes (e.g., dizzying emotional lability): 6.7%
Comments and questions submitted during the webinar, titled “Emotion Regulation Difficulties in Youth: ADHD Irritability vs. DMDD vs. Bipolar Disorder” provided deeper insight into how ERD impacts youth with ADHD.
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #1: Explosive Outbursts
“My child screams and breaks down over issues with friends.”
“My son is verbally aggressive and used to destroy doors and walls. It is truly hard for me to cope with his crisis.”
“My 11-year-old son’s physical and verbal aggression seems to be reserved for home. He controls himself at school but not at home, where he is very argumentative and defiant. He is easily triggered when he does not get his way (e.g., he pushes, hits, and calls us names).”
“My 14-year-old daughter keeps it together at school but is defensive, aggressive, and explosive with her 11-year-old sister and us (her parents) when we intervene.”
Explosive Outbursts: Next Steps
- Download: 9 Truths About ADHD and Intense Emotions
- Read: Why Is My Child So Angry?!
- Read: What Is Intermittent Explosive Disorder?
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #2: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
“It is hard for my child with ADHD to not respond in a passive-aggressive, irritating way toward people she feels have rejected her. This might look like getting into others’ personal space by doing things she knows bothers them. This has gotten her in trouble with peers whom she feels are her bullies.”
“My son is 16 and has had explosive emotional outbursts due to environmental factors since he was 18 months old. The emotional outbursts have lessened substantially, but they still happen when he is super frustrated, upset, or gets his feelings hurt by his friends.”
RSD: Next Steps
- Download: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
- Read: How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
- Self-Test: Could It Be Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Symptom Test for ADHD Brains
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #3: Extreme Irritability
“Irritability occurs when there is a change in the child’s expectations of a situation. For example, it is not going to happen or not happening soon enough according to the child’s understanding or expectation.”
“My kid seems to be frequently irritable and grouchy and has angry outbursts.”
“I’ve noticed a big increase in irritability for my 13-year-old son with ADHD.”
“My 12-year-old wants to buy things or have things bought for her. Telling her ‘no’ results in irritability and a major tantrum.”
Extreme Irritability: Next Steps
- Download: 10 Ways to Neutralize Your Child’s Anger
- Read: New Insights Into Emotional Dysregulation and Treatment Considerations
- Read: “My Child’s In a Bad Mood Every Morning!”
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #4: Lack of Flexibility
“My granddaughter is often agitated and gets things stuck in her head, and there is no working around it. Screen time is about all that keeps her focused and calm. Everything is a challenge — routines, grooming, sitting down to dinner. Everything”
“My son is very rigid and has no ability to cope when he doesn’t get his way.”
“I struggle with my daughter’s need to be in control of everything and everyone. So much so, even making doctor’s appointments are hard to do.”
Lack of Flexibility: Next Steps
- Download: Why Is My Child so Defiant?
- Read: What’s Really Behind Your Child’s Bad Behavior?
- Read: Exaggerated Emotions: How and Why ADHD Triggers Intense Feelings
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #5: Self-Harm
“I have an 11-year-old daughter who has had explosive outbursts and big highs and lows since age 4. She began expressing suicidal ideation and was self-harming and experiencing intrusive thoughts.”
“During fits, my child makes comments about ‘not wanting to live,’ and ‘can’t take it anymore.'”
Self-Harm: Next Steps
- Download: Easy Mindfulness Exercises for Kids with ADHD
- Read: ADHD & Self-Harm: How to Help the Girls Who Suffer Most
- Read: How Is Your Emotional Resilience? Learning to Cope with Intense ADHD Feelings
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #6: Overly Emotional
“We’re struggling with my son because he’s not combative, just EXTREMELY emotional. He has crying episodes or extended periods of being upset where he cannot regroup for up to an hour.”
“My son does OK in most environments, but at home, he displays a lot more irritability and dysregulation, anger, frustration, and sadness.”
“My son is explosive at times. I remain calm with few words spoken, but he escalates quickly by yelling and running out of the house. This creates a very stressful environment for everyone in the house. I don’t know how to get him out of his terrible moods, where he fixates on ‘small’ things that bother him.”
Overly Emotional: Next Steps
- Download: Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control
- Read: Q: How Do I Teach My Teen to Manage Emotions?
- Read: Calm Starts at Home: How to Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Emotion Regulation Manifestation #7: Physical Aggression
“My 8-year-old son with ADHD cannot focus or keep still long enough to finish his schoolwork. Then he gets frustrated, which ends with him hitting his peers or teachers.”
“My daughter has a very hard time with aggressive behavior and has had to have the ‘room cleared’ twice this month, along with three in-school suspensions.”
“So often parenting advice recommends setting firm boundaries with kids, such as saying, ‘you can be mad, but I won’t let you throw things/ damage furniture/ etc.” However, with my kid with ADHD, when his lid is flipped, and he’s having a rage outburst, any attempt to say those things seem to ‘feed the fire.’ He just escalates more, often becoming physically aggressive with us.”
Physical Aggression: Next Step
- Download: Free Guide to Ending Confrontations and Defiance
- Read: Anger Is Important — But Only When It’s Managed
- Read: When “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” Doesn’t Work: Fixes for Hitting
More on Emotion Regulation and ADHD
- Free Download: 15 Ways to Disarm (and Understand) Explosive ADHD Emotions
- Read: How Dysregulated Emotions Hijack the Teen ADHD Brain
- Read: ADHD and Emotional Regulation: A Parent’s Guide
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