“Dating Crisis, Man Crisis!”
I got to wondering why I don’t go after the things I supposedly want. What is stopping me? If I grow bored of potential Prince Charmings that quickly, how am I ever supposed to walk down the aisle? Has ADHD also stripped me of lust?
I could blame it on the ADHD, but the other night at the guinea pig meeting at the hospital the doctor told us that there are ADHD people who are smart and others who aren’t, normal people who are smart, and others who aren’t, so there’s no black and white answer as to what works and what doesn’t work. I can’t blame the ADHD, can’t blame the family, can’t blame the crazy mother who is a religious zealot. If I don’t move forward then it’s my fault.
I had a chat with a friend yesterday who seems like she’s very happy with her life. She said that she had to train herself to rethink things, and then she finally got what she wanted. It seems like a genuine enough piece of advice. The dad and stepmother are also saying the same thing, rather than going after the flashy, wealthy bastards, who won’t treat me very nicely, why not chase the nice person? Dad says, “so long as someone isn’t deformed, very few people aren’t that bad looking.”
The stepmother says first ask myself what I want and what I am able to deal with, if it’s a resounding no, then just forget about looking there. I don’t have the personality to deal with a bad boy whose going to cheat, just forget about it but if I want some fun, hey nothing wrong with that.
When I saw the Nympth at the cocktail yesterday I still felt attracted, but also hurt. What’s so good about the woman that he came with? Well, she’s a superb swimmer and she’s skinny and wears nice clothes, but she’s in her late 30s and she’s not married either so it got me thinking that okay, maybe the jerk and the snobbish super swimmer deserve each other.
There wasn’t a hint of remorse in the Nympth’s eyes either. It’s as if he had been trained this way to treat women poorly, but rather than second guess I decided to heck with it, not worth my time. I’m only glad I walked away when I did on that rainy night, and said to him that he was full of bull shit, and left him by calling out “it would be good if you kept your word,” knowing very well he wouldn’t.
Dad says that “casanovas” like that don’t really keep their word, they go up and down a list and maybe this time he started with the Ws, and since he didn’t see me as girlfriend material he moved on. Besides he was really never interested in me as a person. I was disturbed at how bored I was of him too. After a while he lost his charm, which made me think that somehow ADHD had also stripped me of lust. If I grow bored of potential Prince Charmings that quickly, how am I ever supposed to walk down the aisle?