As an adult with attention deficit disorder (ADHD), everything is living for the moment. Maybe I should cool off a little, and think about what I want for me.
The romance with the mystery man has tapered off. I keep thinking back to the Driven to Distraction book that I’ve read. My ADHD self is impulsive and romantic. I’m a sucker for fresh flowers and chocolates. I am keen for instant gratification, and in the end, I get burned.
Since I’ve shared signs of being too emotionally needy – a window into mental instability – the mystery man has backed off as if I were a leper. “I can’t give you what you need,” he says. “I know you have emotional and mental needs,” he says.
He’s very odd because he likes to watch me from a distance as if not to get too close. He likes to watch me from the balcony where he can see me in my Speedo and hot pink cap. Most of my romances have fizzled like meteors: easy come, easy go. In the ADHD world, everything is living for the moment anyways. The stepmother, who is the unofficial dating coach from a distance – she should really start charging me – says that I need to cool off a little, and think about what I want for me.
There’s this word in Chinese called yuan fen, translating into “fate.” Two people meant to be will come together even if they try to stay apart. But if you try to grab something that wasn’t meant to be, it will never stick. I’d like to believe it but I also think it’s psychological hocus pocus.