“Where I am the Gas, He Is the Brake”
This Valentine’s Day, neurodivergent couples share how they connect by recognizing and complementing each partner’s diagnoses.
They say opposites attract, but so do similarities.
Recently, 246 ADDitude readers in neurodivergent relationships told us how they complement their partners, and vice versa. Many readers shared that their unique strengths provide balance and a bridge to understanding in their relationships touched by ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), or other commonly overlapping conditions. Below are the snapshots they shared.
What neurodivergent strengths do you bring to your relationship? Share your thoughts in the Comments section below.
Embracing Neurodiversity in Relationships
“I hate routine. He lives for routine. I bring adventure into his life, and he brings structure into mine.” — Anonymous
“He is very supportive of my tireless search for novelty, career prospects, inventions, and Danish vintage tablecloths. I am very accepting of his deep dives for information and ability to recount the facts.”— Joyce, England
[Get This Free Download: Checklist of Autism Symptoms]
“When I start going down that ‘rabbit hole,’ he’s good at recognizing it and giving me a gentle ‘nudge.’ He’s very supportive of my ADHD idiosyncrasies.”— Carole, Canada
“My partner is great at organizing and making lists and keeping me on track. I’m good at finding creative ways to increase our capabilities.” — Beth, Australia
“We find creative solutions to all kinds of problems: relationships, how to organize something, struggles with work, etc.. Our neurodivergence helps us be the best communicators because we have to be. We think similarly, but our differences make us a ‘complete package.’” — Suzanne, Canada
“I’m impulsive with a schedule-and-planner husband. This keeps things interesting and not stuck in a rut.”— Natasha, Australia
[Read: How Relationships Collapse Under the Weight of ADHD]
“I tend to focus on details, while my partner can see the big picture but totally misses details. My partner is fine with taking risks, but I’m risk averse. We make an amazing team.” — Sarah, Canada
“My ADHD superpower is hyperfocus, allowing me to concentrate on work and become rather successful. My husband’s superpowers are creativity and divergent thinking, leading him to creative and fun pursuits, which add excitement, adventure, and childlike wonder to the relationship. Knowing each other’s ADHD strengths and challenges has allowed us to be more empathetic toward each other.” — Anonymous
“We focus on complimenting each other instead of finding blame. I manage our mental load while he handles almost all the physical tasks.” — Samantha, Pennsylvania
“I have ADHD, and my husband self-describes as autistic. We support each other’s sensory overwhelm, and where I am the gas, he is the brake. He helps even out my impulses, and I help him seize opportunities.” — Christina, South Carolina
“We’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders and have learned to complement each other in places where we used to clash.” — Kellie, Michigan
How Similarities Bridge Understanding
“We see each other’s needs for time alone or time together.” — Anonymous
“Having a partner who ‘gets it’ because they have ‘it’ lifts so much of the burden of having ADHD.” — Matthew, North Carolina
“We often make the same mistakes at different times, so we have the utmost patience and understanding for one another and help each other pick up the pieces to get back on track.” — MJ, Indiana
“It’s been really hard at times, but the diagnoses have helped us contextualize our experiences and approach each other with more compassion.” — Jason, Oregon
“While we don’t always understand the world in the same way, we have shared experiences and can provide support and empathy in ways that neurotypical folks can’t.” — Anonymous
ADHD, Autism, and Relationships: Next Steps
- Free Download: 6 Ways ADHD Sabotages Relationships
- Read: 10 Ways to Save Your Relationship
- Read: We Need to Talk About How ADHD Affects Interpersonal Relationships
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