Published on ADDitudeMag.com
Secrets of Smart ADHD Discipline: Dos and Don'ts
Tired of nagging and yelling at your ADHD child? Follow these simple tricks to encourage good choices in ADHD kids.
by the editors of ADDitude
Break the Nag Cycle
Parenting ADHD children can challenge a mom or dad's patience -- and good judgment. Just like all kids sometimes make bad choices regarding their own behavior
, parents can make bad decisions disciplining
this misbehavior. Instead of using firm and compassionate approaches, parents of ADHDers are often driven into the ignore-nag-yell-punish cycle. Sound familiar? Try these discipline strategies to break that cycle once and for all.
Do: Get Involved, Quickly
Quickly move people or objects to prevent bad behavior
. For example, if your children start quarreling over a toy, you might say,
“Alex, sit over there. Maria, stand here. I’ll take this and put it up here.”
Similarly, if your child comes in from outside for supper and refuses to wash his hands before eating,
immediately take his plate off the table and silently point to his hands.
Don't: Ignore Your Child's Misbehavior
You should respond to your child's behavior, when it's good and bad
. Otherwise, your child may read your silence as "I won’t give you my attention
or concern" or even "I reject you." She might also assume that your silence
means you approve of what she is doing -- even when you don't.
Do: Be Brief
Keep your words to a minimum when disciplining. Some of the best ADHD parenting advice that can be given is
summed up in the following statement: The fewer words you use to discipline
your child, the more effective (and heard) they will be. Tell your child once,
very clearly, what you expect of him. Then stop talking.
Don't: Be a Chatterbox
It's important that you don't go on-and-on about what your child is doing wrong. Words are like tires: Each time they rotate against the
pavement, they lose tread, and become less efficient at starting, stopping, and
steering. Eventually, they will have no "traction" at all -- as tires will eventually
Do: Keep Calm
Don't let your own anger get the best of you. Tell yourself that you won't open your mouth until you're
calm enough to speak at normal volume and in a cordial tone. To calm down,
spend a few minutes alone -- something as simple as excusing yourself to get a glass
of water may do the trick.
Try not to bark orders like a drill sergeant. Yelling shows a child that you, the almighty parent, has
lost control. Shouting also opens up the door to your child to return the favor
and to yell back.
Do: Punish Fairly
Use appropriate punishment when responding to a misbehavior. The consequence for
spilling milk might be that your child cleans up the mess, and then pours
another glass and sets it in a safer place on the table. No reason to blame or
yell at him, or even withhold food.
Don't: Overdo It
It's important that you don't go overboard with punishment. In
most cases, harsh punishments, like spanking, encourage ADHD children to become
sneaky so as not to get caught next time. They may even cause your child to
doubt your love for him -- something you want to avoid at all costs.
More Discipline Strategies for ADHD Kids
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