"My ADD/ADHD partner says she loves me, but she doesn’t seem interested in me. How can you lose interest in someone you love?"
by Melissa Orlov
Showing interest and feeling love are not the same thing. You can feel love for a person, but still appear uninterested because you’re distracted. The best way to talk about the problem is not to demand attention but to explain how sad and lonely you feel. When my partner, who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD), seemed uninterested in me, I lashed out, saying, “I can’t believe I’m married to you! You never pay attention to me!” I should have said, “I know that it’s hard for you to pay attention to me all the time, but I need your attention some of the time.”
The key to solving the problem is twofold: First, don’t complain about your partner when you spend time with him. Many adults with ADD/ADHD avoid a partner who complains or blames them. Second, don’t be shy about scheduling time to connect. This will limit distraction while you’re together, even if scheduling seems unromantic.
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