Stop Nagging—and Get Your Child to Listen

16 Comments:

• Posted by susiecanoe - May 3 2009 @ 7:08 AM
  Teens and ODD and ADD
  Hi, I too can relate. My son is bigger than me and when he doesn't get his way, his anger comes out. He is 17 and in his final year of school. Last year, he was an honor student and now is failing. I have taken away all privileges and rewards don't work either. What I am trying to do is let him suffer his own consequences. It is sad really as he would have made it to university, but now it looks like he won't. But I have nothing left to offer! My only hope is that by 18, he will move out and learn to experience life the real way as my enabling him is not helping either of us.
• Posted by Desperate4help - Mar 11 2009 @ 11:07 AM
  Nagging Continued!!
  What is ODD? My 14 1/2 old step son is ADHD and it seems his conditioning is worsening. Organization, responsibility, memory, communication all getting worse. He's on strongest dosage of Concerta but not really helping... in addition to it makes him a zombie and he's non-responsive socially at school. Self-esteem and self-confidence are both in the toilet. Husband & I trying to strike balance between being non-social but focused (max medicine) and social and non-focused at school (less dosage). Middle ground is impossible and it seems that more structure only makes him less accountable as we are the ones that end up thinking for him. The more we think, the less he tries. Nor is he able to effectively connect consequences with his actions. Excuse for playing with a candle and burning little brother is he didn't mean to do it so he shouldn't have gotten in trouble. Excuse for missing assignments at school...I forgot or it's just 1. Please, please, please help us!! We are at the end of our rope with ideas to help him. Any ideas?
• Posted by AndrewsJourney - Mar 7 2009 @ 1:34 PM
  Nagging
  I have to agree with your child helping to make the chart because if they are NOT a part of it, it is just one more thing they feel out of control about...Everyday is a struggle and I can tell you with an 11 1/2 year old son with add/adhd,odd and anxiety, when your nerves are raw, everything is a big deal...Just remember when we were children, I am 44, we were allowed to not always have to throw our clothes in the hamper, or pick some things up, but, when your nerves are being gnawed on by a child like this every minute of everyday, trying to find this behaviour funny is hard, or, just letting them be a kid is hard because humor went out the door years ago...Someone told me something I never remember to do because I forgot how to, "pick your battles"...Hard 2 do...I nag my 8 year old daughter and my husband the same way and I have to really stop, look at what I am doing and realize that they do understand me. How can I stop this, I am tired of the nagging and screaming and actually all the energy it takes out of me...:>0
• Posted by Concerned Granny - Mar 3 2009 @ 3:28 PM
  Frustrated granny with ADD child
  I, too, get very frustrated having to repeat over and over the few tasks that my 9-year-old grandson has to do. My grandson and I have made lists but he forgets to look at the list. I love my grandson very much and he loves to please me, but I run out of patience. Please help!!
• Posted by annduu - Mar 3 2009 @ 2:21 PM
  nagging
  I am constantly nagging my 15 yr old to do things. If I tell her more than one thing at a time to do then for sure nothing will get done. I have tried a list she will look at it it once and forget it. And with my ADD I forget it too
• Posted by annduu - Mar 3 2009 @ 2:18 PM
  ADD mom with ADHD teen
  I am a mom with ADD and trying to keep my teen organized when I can't keep organized. I can't remember to remind her. I have an organizer and forget to use it myself.
• Posted by NYMom23 - Mar 3 2009 @ 12:01 PM
  Charts and Rewards
  I found a great website that makes it simple and easy to create charts. It's www.myadhdconnection.com You simply pick the routine or behaviour you want to change, select the graphic, click & print. It works great for the younger kids.
• Posted by NYMom23 - Mar 3 2009 @ 11:57 AM
  Charts and Rewards
  I found a great website that makes it simple and easy to create charts. It's www.myadhdconnection.com You simply pick the routine or behaviour you want to change, select the graphic, click & print. It works great for the younger kids.
• Posted by courtgos - Mar 7 2008 @ 4:25 AM
  Just let go
  I know this is not the best of advice for little kids, but I have learned that with my ADD husband, nagging does not work at all!! This goes for teenagers and young adults. My husband does almost everything one commentor mentioned...he leaves clothes everywhere, leaves the front door open even when it is cold....... I notice that when I leave him alone and just mirror the good behavior while he is sitting there watching me pick up all his things...it's like a red light goes on.... Of course, not all people will respond to this, but it's worth a try! ;)
• Posted by amy - Mar 6 2008 @ 3:39 PM
  ADHD & Teens
  We should talk some time. Really! I'm a single mother of a very tall 14 year old. Very similar issues. We can vent and share ideas. aalvidrez@albanyca.org
• Posted by b3oliver - Mar 6 2008 @ 1:24 PM
  computor chore charts
  There is a great webset that I found www.handipoints.com You and your child or children all have separte logins and they get points when the finsh tasks. They can use the points in what ever they choose. Really hard to list all the great things they offer. I know my 7 year old absolutly loves it and when she gets 2000 points she wants to get a dog.
• Posted by tjones - Mar 5 2008 @ 9:09 PM
  Teen trouble
  For all of you who are being challenged by your teens, I HIGHLY recommend Love and Logic. They have a great website and many resources. I have used their techniques on our children, and 20 years worth of foster-children. Great stuff. The technique called Enforceable Statements is particularly powerful with teens. Here is an example. My 16 year old son did not get his homework done, so the next morning, I went to his room, took the car keys and said, "I allow driving privileges for those who have their homework done." I then evaded his attempts to suck me into an argument by answering, "I don't know", or "I love you too much to argue". A short time later he was finishing his homework. This is SO powerful because you tell the child what YOU will do, rather than telling them what to do. You can only control yourself anyway! Check it out! It is an incredible technique. It isn't real easy to begin with, but it's worth the effort. Good luck to all of you!
• Posted by rhagerty - Mar 5 2008 @ 7:57 PM
  ADHD & Teens
  I agree with all of the other comments - My son is almost 14 and charts and rewards worked when he was younger but now - between hormones and the ADHD it's not easy. I could certainly use some suggestions on how to handle a teenager!
• Posted by myhouse2urs - Mar 5 2008 @ 3:11 PM
  ADHD & ODD in Older Teens
  Because of non-threatening, but disruptive impulsive behavior, I took my son out of public school. He was due to be placed in a school with serious delinquents. He quickly joins in with others and desperately wants to 'fit in' so that didn't seem a good situation to put him in. I, too, have a hard time keeping him motivated---doing his share of household chores, keeping his room clean, and the 'biggie' doing his school work. Nothing works---no reward and withdrawing activities, TV, computer or video games. Parents need some well thought out help in dealing with teens. I have worked myself to the limit to help him grow into a worthwhile citizen, but at 16, he's bigger than I am and just says "no," he's not going to do it. I'm a working mother raising him alone. Experts: Any help would be appreciated!
• Posted by RCH - Mar 5 2008 @ 1:43 PM
  Nagging and Teens
  I agree w/Carol. I feel like I'm talking to the wall w/my almost 15 yr old son. His room is deplorable, he seems to leave a trail wherever he goes, and his ability to focus seems to have dwindled to almost nothing. We increased his meds, but I'm wondering if it's part of the hormonal changes he's encountering as a teen. Would appreciate some advice for two full-time working parents, as the behavioral mod is very difficult to implement at this age.
• Posted by Carol Hatcher - Mar 5 2008 @ 1:12 PM
  Anti-Nagging and 16 year old
  The behavior chart worked well when my daughter was younger. Now she is in her mid teens and has "forgotten" some of the behaviors she learned earlier. A behavior chart doesn't seem to be the answer now. What might you suggest for this age?