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Downplaying Competition

Q:

"Whenever my 9-year-old sees anyone else get praise, he winds up feeling bad about himself or he puts the person down. How can I help him improve his attitude?"

A:

Sounds like a good time to have a discussion about the Golden Rule.

Your son must learn that, to make and keep friends, he has to be a friend. That means looking for the good in others and giving compliments.

Competition drives us to do our best, as long as it's tempered with compassion. Does your son play a sport? Ask his coach to reinforce your efforts on the home front with a pep talk about what it means to be a team player.

A pioneer in the field of coaching people with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Ms. Maynard was instrumental in the development of The National Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Coaching Guidelines and a founding board member for the Institute for the Advancement of AD/HD Coaching (IAAC). She is a certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and utilizes a holistic health and wellness approach with her clients. Ms. Maynard lives in Washington, DC where she operates Catalytic Coaching. Sandy lectures internationally and is a regular contributor to ADDitude magazine.

2 Comments:

  • Posted by HTHLuvr1stClassChulaVista - May 23 2008 @ 6:22 PM
    ADHD and Praise
    I have had ADHD FOR TEN YEARS NOW. I know parents sometimes forget to give praise and in doing so they make their child feel lost and unwanted. I mean my dad is not in the picture so all i have had my whole life is my mom, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't know I'm there. Praise is truly one of the most important thing in a young ADHD child's life. Especially when they have other brothers and sisiters. And it is key to LISTEN!!!
  • Posted by Rachel Bonbrest - May 23 2007 @ 1:57 PM
    confidence in ADDers
    This is very interesting to me as someone with ADHD and now as an adult looking back at all my confidence issues. Others would say, well you do well in school, you are pretty, you have friends, your family loves you, why do you feel so bad about yourself. I think I felt like that 9 year old. Never really understood it. hmmm I do think that I always felt like I was unsure I was living up to what I was supposed to and so I internalized many negative remarks not meant for me or imagined it was negative if it was positive to someone else. As an SLP, I see many ADDers looking for interaction, compliments from teachers. I wonder if this is so pervasive.
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