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Ask the Parenting Expert:
Sandy Maynard
Getting Dad To Understand
Q:
"My husband seems to have no patience for our daughter due to her AD/HD. He gets so angry with her sometimes for things I think are very minimal. How do I get him to understand that she has problems remembering and retaining information? I just want him to give her a break!"
A:
Knowledge is the key to understanding and the more your husband is able to understand the disorder, the more patience he will have. If he has not already read "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey, I would suggest that he do. Two other excellent books that may help to change his perspective and be more tolerant are "ADD, A Different Perception" and "Beyond ADD: Hunting for Reason in the Past and Present", both written by Thom Hartmann.
Encourage your husband to attend CHADD meetings or watch videos made about ADD that enlighten and educate. CHADD has a list of audiotapes and videos from previous conferences at their website CHADD.org on a variety of topics concerning ADD.
They also have several fact sheets that can be printed out. Most of all talk, about it. It's hard for many of us to understand another person's difference, but if I sit down and really talk with a blind person about their blindness and what it is like, I certainly come away with a better understanding than if I just assume I know what it is like.
A pioneer in the field of coaching people with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Ms. Maynard was instrumental in the development of The National Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Coaching Guidelines and a founding board member for the Institute for the Advancement of AD/HD Coaching (IAAC). She is a certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and utilizes a holistic health and wellness approach with her clients. Ms. Maynard lives in Washington, DC where she operates Catalytic Coaching. Sandy lectures internationally and is a regular contributor to ADDitude magazine.
 4 Comments:
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Posted by
anna19
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Jun 4 2009 @ 8:05 AM
Q & A
I have had the same question for years. Glad to have a list of reading material that is convincing to the non-believer. However, since my non-believer relatives are oppositional to the idea that they could be wrong, then giving them a reading list will only make things worse. What we need is advice in how to handle people who are stubbornly against learning about modern child development issues. They think that they were raised without all of this information, and they turned out just fine, so they think I am ridiculous for wasting time and money on all this so-called psycho-babble.
I have one point that may help others, and that is to acknowledge that dad is right to a degree. Even ADHD kids can learn to put away their toys and remember their homework, if trained. Whenever dad points out a weakness in our children, I think of a way to train them to do better, using positive rewards. After 2 years of consistently applying behavior modification methods, he now admits that there is a possibility that my methods are responsible for the results, but he still doesn't support me by using them himself.
Hope someone else out there has more ideas to share. These few years of childhood are precious and we need to take the opportunity to make a difference now before they are all grown up!
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Posted by
Danah
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Apr 30 2008 @ 12:10 PM
Dad doesn't understand
I am currently taking an ADD Parenting class and it has opened my eyes to what my son goes through. I think my husband has ADD as well, and to be diplomatic we are both going to get tested for ADD next month. In September, he is also going to go to the same class I am going to now. I hope this will help with his impatience.
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Posted by
Molly Wilson
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Jul 27 2007 @ 12:02 AM
Dad doesn't want to understand!
This situation is so much like our family's. I have one daughter who has ADD/inattentive type, like I do, as well as one daughter who has just been diagnosed with ADHD. Just tonight he started throwing out insults again stemming from his lack of understanding of ADD. I was informed that if our daughters end up as "failures" it will be my fault since I let them get by with "being lazy." I wish he would try to put himself in our shoes for a change, but he doesn't seem interested. Help!
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Posted by
Jennifer Cummins
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Jul 12 2007 @ 10:37 AM
Dad's voice pitch
Not only does my husband tend to be impatient, he has a tone of voice that frightens the children. My daughter has ADD/inattentive type, and my son had ADD/HD, which stems from a neurological condition, ACC. His ADD, a biochemical condition, may not be ADD at all, but, his ACC may account for the delay in understanding. Both children had sensory processing difficulties, as do I. Can the Dr. recommend anything for this?
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