"I have trouble being around large crowds. I would rather be alone, and there are times that I don't answer the door if people — even my children — visit."
by Michele Novotni, Ph.D.
You say that you have a lot of trouble being around large crowds but I'm not sure if that is because of attention deficit disorder-related difficulties such as inattention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity, or something else.
If ADHD characteristics are in the way of your social relationships, then you could have unlocked a big piece of understanding yourself better. If you do struggle in those areas and that is what makes it difficult for you to socialize with others, I recommend an evaluation with a professional who specializes in diagnosis and treatment of ADHD.
However, you also said that you lack desire for even one-to-one contact with your spouse or children. Sometimes people with ADHD are so used up trying to cope with the stresses of everyday life that they need extra quiet/alone time and sometimes avoid social contacts. However, it could also be that you have something else going on.
Just because you have ADHD that doesn't mean that you can't also have something else (like depression, anxiety, etc.) going on and if you have something else, that doesn't mean that you also can't have ADHD. When you have more that one difficulty at the same time, we call that comorbidity. Professionals would not view your behavior as stupid or selfish as you fear, but rather as an indication that there is a problem.
I recommend that you seek out the help of a psychologist to help you understand your behavior whether ADHD related or not and to help you develop strategies to change. I wish you well in gaining a better understanding of yourself and overcoming the obstacles to connecting to the important people in your life!