He's Lost That Loving Feeling

Filed Under: ADHD and Marriage, ADHD and Relationships, Adult ADD: Late Diagnosis, ADHD Expert Tips

Q:

When we were dating, my husband, who has ADHD, made me feel like I was the center of his world. Then we got married, and it felt like someone flipped the switch off! He doesn’t touch me, or even talk to me, much. He tells me he loves me more than anything, but his actions don’t say that. What can I do?

A:

Believe him when he says he loves you, and don’t take his lack of interest personally, although that is easier said than done.

At the same time, explain to him why his behaviors must change, so that you feel loved.

I warn you that it won’t happen overnight. You’ll have to persist to get him to understand how lonely you are and how he may be contributing to it. Without nagging him or accusing him of threatening the marriage, work with him to figure out how the two of you can spend more quality time together. For example, make a date each Sunday afternoon and explore your town together, hike in the woods, or go to a new restaurant in a neighboring town.

Another option is to promise that you’ll eat breakfast and dinner together and share details of your day. Schedule enough together time each week so that you feel connected to him. On another note, you might also suggest that he talk with his doctor about tweaking his treatment plan.


Melissa Orlov is coauthor of a blog on ADHD and marriage on http://www.adhdmarriage.com/. She is also author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage (Specialty Press).

Melissa is co-author of a blog on ADHD and marriage at adhdmarriage.com, and coauthored Married to Distraction with Dr. Ned Hallowell and his wife, Sue. She is also the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage.

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