Hyperfocus on Making Love?

Q:

How do I keep my attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) mind on romance in the bedroom when it goes a million miles an hour? Can I learn to hyperfocus on lovemaking to improve my sex life? If so, what do you suggest?

Melissa Orlov, a frequent ADDitude contributor with Dr. Ned Hallowell, writes about ADHD and marriage and offers relationship advice to adults with ADD.
A:

First, tell your partner that being inattentive is an ADHD symptom, not a reflection on his sexual desirability. Second, understand that most people with ADHD can’t snap into hyperfocus at a moment’s notice.

The following strategies, however, may help ADHD adults improve their sex lives:

- Talk with your doctor about short-acting ADHD medication. Take these meds a half-hour or more before you make love to “calm” your brain for four hours.

- Engage in foreplay before you get into the bedroom by sending him romantic notes and e-mails, giving him flowers, and taking showers together. These stimulating activities may focus your mind when you finally get together.

- Play soft, gentle music to relax your racing mind.

- Vary your lovemaking, so that it doesn’t become routine. Try new positions and make love in new venues. Playing sex games and using sex toys can also stimulate your interest in romance.

- If possible, exercise beforehand. Many studies show that aerobic physical activity focuses the brain. (Just remember to shower and freshen up before hitting the bedroom!)

Melissa Orlov is a marriage consultant, specializing in helping ADHD-affected couples rebalance their relationships. She is a cum laude graduate of Harvard College and the author of the award-winning books: The ADHD Effect on Marriage and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD. She blogs for adhdmarriage.com and Psychology Today and has been interviewed by The New York Times, CNN, Today, US News and World Report, and CBS, among many others.

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