Does My ADHD Scare Off Potential Girlfriends?

Q:

I’m 20 years old, and I am worried that girls stop dating me because of my ADD. I talk a lot and have trouble holding back how I feel. I often tell my partner -- perhaps too enthusiastically -- how attractive she is on the first date. How do I make girls realize that I mean well?

Melissa Orlov, a frequent ADDitude contributor with Dr. Ned Hallowell, writes about ADHD and marriage and offers relationship advice to adults with ADD.
A:

There are many available women, and one of them is right for you, just as you are. However, speaking before thinking can get you into trouble at work, as well as in relationships.

Set the goal of learning -- and practicing -- the skill of “holding your tongue.” Some people with attention deficit disorder suck on a lozenge to remind themselves to speak more slowly; others count to five, under their breath, before responding. Still others make themselves take a deep breath before answering. Pausing will enable your turbo ADHD brain to think up more subtle ways of showing your appreciation. Practice this with friends and family until you learn to slow your response time. It will help you at the workplace and on a date.

Melissa is co-author of a blog on ADHD and marriage at adhdmarriage.com, and coauthored Married to Distraction with Dr. Ned Hallowell and his wife, Sue. She is also the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage.

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