|Adult ADHD Home||Succeed at Work||ADHD Self Test|
|Love & Friendships||Manage Time & Money||ADHD Adult Blogs|
|The Organized Life||Stress, Sleep, Health||Adult Support Groups|
|Apps & Gadgets||Inspirational Stories||Expert Answers|
|ADHD Parenting Home||Schedules & Time||Sample Routines|
|Discipline & Behavior||Teens & Young Adults||Parent Support Group|
|ADHD Parenting Skills||Nutrition & Diet||Parenting Blogs|
|Friendships & Social Skills||Sports & Hobbies||Summer & Camps|
|ADHD Treatment Home||ADHD Medications||Medication Reviews||Adderall|
|Treating Your Child||Nutrition & Diet||Fish Oil Printable||Daytrana|
|Expert Q&As||Non-Medical Treatment||Find Professionals||Strattera|
|Behavior Therapy||Brain Training||Quillivant XR||Vyvanse|
|ADHD/LD School Home||High School & College||Accommodations|
|IEPs & 504s||ADHD Study Skills||ADHD School Guide|
|Working with School||School Organization Help||College Survival Guide|
|Social Skills at School||For Teachers Only||Is it LD? A Self Test|
|ADHD Diagnosis Home||ADHD & Women||Is it ADHD? Self Tests|
|Getting a Diagnosis||Is it a Related Condition?||Medical Q&As|
|ADHD Symptoms||Post Diagnosis Next Steps||Myths & Realities|
|Is it Learning Disabilities?||ADHD Treatment||ADHD Support Groups|
|Tools and Checklists|
|ADHD Topics A-Z|
|Share Your Story|
|Give a Gift|
|Buy Back Issues|
Collaborating with My ADHD SpouseFiled Under: ADHD and Relationships, ADHD Housework Tips, Organization Tips for ADD Adults, To Do Lists, ADHD and Marriage
"What is the best way to get my wife, who has ADD, to be more open to accepting my help? Our home life is in chaos, and I don't know what to do."
Getting your wife involved in exploring these issues is tricky, because she may interpret offers of “help” as indications that she is somehow inadequate. If you are miserable, you may also be communicating anger or frustration when you talk with her.
Consider saying this: "I love you very much, but I am having trouble with some of the things that are happening in our relationship. I am really bothered by (X,Y, and Z) because I feel like you aren't willing to address my needs. I would like to find some middle ground." Then, identify a few specific problems, like messy piles around the house or inability to get to events together on time.
Together, make a plan to address them, taking her input to heart. Examine your own role in your plan, and make sure that this plan doesn't turn into a "to-do" list for your wife. Attack only the problems, not the person. If you hear yourself saying, "You never (fill in the blank)" or "You always…," stop right there and circle back.
What do you think of this article? Share your comments on www.ADDConnect.com, ADDitude's community site. Check out the new ADHD Medication User Reviews and the ADHD Adults Support Group. Your fellow ADDers want to hear from you!