My Fiance, Mr. Stay up Late/Get up Late


My lazy fiance has difficulty getting up early and going to bed at a reasonable hour. It bothers me.

Melissa Orlov, a frequent ADDitude contributor with Dr. Ned Hallowell, writes about ADHD and marriage and offers relationship advice to adults with ADD.

Many people with ADD keep to a “stay up late/get up late” schedule—he may not be able to shut down his turbo brain at night when his head hits the pillow.

If his slow-to-rise habit is making him late for work, perhaps he can adjust his work hours. Have him talk with his boss about altering his schedule, so that his day can begin at 9:30 or 10 a.m.

To get him to rise on time, suggest that he set a loud alarm clock far away from the bed, so he has to get up to turn it off. (You shouldn’t do this for him, though. It should be his decision.)

Developing a morning routine may also help. If he is a coffee lover, start a ritual of fresh-brewed java, a tasty breakfast, and a daily newspaper to get him up and at ’em.

As for the “lazy” characterization, be careful not to criticize him because he has a different energy level than you do. This may be a symptom of ADD—procrastination may cause him to dawdle—though it’s also possible that he may be suffering from depression. Encourage him to talk with a professional about his lack of energy.

Melissa Orlov is a marriage consultant, specializing in helping ADHD-affected couples rebalance their relationships. She is a cum laude graduate of Harvard College and the author of the award-winning books: The ADHD Effect on Marriage and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD. She blogs for and Psychology Today and has been interviewed by The New York Times, CNN, Today, US News and World Report, and CBS, among many others.

What do you think of this article? Share your comments on, ADDitude's community site. Check out the new ADHD Medication User Reviews and the ADHD Adults Support Group. Your fellow ADDers want to hear from you!

Copyright © 1998 - 2016 New Hope Media LLC. All rights reserved. Your use of this site is governed by our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
ADDitude does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The material on this web site is provided for educational purposes only. See additional information.
New Hope Media, 108 West 39th Street, Suite 805, New York, NY 10018