Do You Have a Stale Sex Life?

Q:

When we were dating, our sex life was great, but now the spark is gone. Is this due to my husband’s ADD? We never seem to find time to get together anymore.

ADHD Marriage Strategies
A:

The fact that neither one of you is in the mood isn’t just an ADD issue, though marital problems may be caused by symptoms related to the condition: You forget to do something and your husband gets angry at you.

On the other hand, distraction, a common symptom of ADD, can make it seem that your spouse isn’t interested in intimacy, when the real problem might be one of scheduling. He is often off doing other things when you’re in the mood. Or you might be a morning person and he is an inveterate night owl.

Unless there are other issues affecting your relationship — perhaps one of you is nagging the other without realizing it, or in-laws or friends are taking too much of your time — work on scheduling sex into your life. It sounds unromantic, but think of it as dating. You scheduled dates, didn’t you?

Make a pact that you won’t let life get in the way of your sexual dates. You can also increase the intimacy quotient in your relationship by sending each other explicit notes or e-mails or by introducing sex toys into the bedroom.

Melissa is co-author of a blog on ADHD and marriage at adhdmarriage.com, and coauthored Married to Distraction with Dr. Ned Hallowell and his wife, Sue. She is also the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage.

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