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Ask the Adult ADD Expert:
Michele Novotni, Ph.D.
Oppositional Behavior in Young Adults
Q:
"What issues will the 'oppositional defiance' component produce in our son as he enters his 20s? His teenage years required significant parental intervention."
A:
I'm not sure that this is the answer that you want, but you are probably in for more of the same.
It is often helpful for many parents to continue providing some degree of reasonable emotional and problem-solving support to their grown children with ADHD, especially when additional psychological issues are present. The encouraging part is that you made it this far and have probably developed some strategies that have worked.
I would however encourage you to not do more than you feel comfortable with. As people with ADHD get older, they can also be encouraged to obtain needed support through coaches, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc. and become more independent and self reliant as they learn to take responsibility for managing their ADHD.
Dr. Michele Novotni is an internationally recognized expert in the field of ADHD. She is the former president and CEO of the national Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), an inspiring speaker, best selling author, psychologist, coach and parent of a young adult with AD/HD. She is author of Adult AD/HD and What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?.
Michele was the lead facilitator and lobbyist in the creation of national ADD Awareness Day (the third Wednesday in September). She was awarded the national "Make a Difference Award" by the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA) in 2005 and ADDA originated The Novotni Scholarship Fund to assist college students with AD/HD in her honor.
 5 Comments:
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Posted by
Elizabeth
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Aug 17 2009 @ 4:01 PM
I've Had It
I am experiencing much oppositional defiant behavior from my daughter, who is 28 y/o. She was behaving the same way, believe it or not, when she was 15--and we could not get her to go to counseling or anything to help herself. At 21, she got married & had a baby--the husband had some problems too--now she is 28 and divorced, and she still gets extremely belligerent with me and verbally abuses me a lot, same thing she did when she was young--she can yell really loud and sound really hateful--it literally HURTS my ears and brings me to tears. She is divorced and, thankfully, the son has gone to live with his father now. I have prayed & prayed...she seems to display this type of behavior whenever she gets to know someone really well...well enough to hope they will tolerate it. Some have...I guess if they want her around for their own pleasure or something, but eventually they have problems. I have thought of just selling my stuff and moving off so I would be living somewhere that she could not stop and free-load off of me and make me miserable--even though I love her--this kind of treatment can make me sick, I mean physically ill. I don't know if I can continue to hold a job with someone treating me like this at home. I've been close to calling the cops and having her locked up.
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Posted by
MomOfADD
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Jun 30 2009 @ 2:16 PM
Me too
We have the same problem with very bright 21 yr old daughter. She made it through 1 1/2 of college, then dropped out. She treated my familiy like her personal maid service, refused to work more than a few hours a week, and wouldn't pay rent. After nagging for almost a year, I told her she had to leave until she agreed to work or go back to school. She is now living with her boyfriend (his parents are paying the rent and they don't know she is living there) and still not working full time, nor going to school. It has only been a few weeks, and I have kept up texting her, that I love her, but I won't support her behavior. She was going backwards living at home. My heart is breaking, but she is safe, and hopefully, will start to grow up.
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Posted by
looking for peace
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Mar 29 2009 @ 12:00 PM
Don't know what to do..
My son is almost 20 has ADD and LD. He is just finishing high school and is getting decent grades. The problem is at home. Its a fight just to get him to take a daily shower. How can I expect him to live on his own if he ignores simple things like that?
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Posted by
TRU
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Mar 27 2009 @ 12:00 PM
Same Boat
We are in the same boat with our 21 yr old.
He is back home now,we told him the same thing you did regarding moving out, paying bills etc, he has ignored or forgotten all of it and now we are being treated as the hotel with maid service.
I could also use advise
on how to handle his lack of common respect for house hold rules. We are ready to kick him out.
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Posted by
Melinda
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Feb 13 2009 @ 1:02 PM
My son is almost 20....I need help letting go
My son has ADD with LDs in reading and writing and verbal expression. Getting through high school was hard enough. He has been fired from 4 jobs and refuses to do anything I suggest incuding taking meds or getting help. I told him that if he could hold a job for at least 6 months and live on his own with own...paying his bills etc that I would take out a school loan and send him to trade school. We recently helped him move out and he still doesn't have a job and soon will be evicted. Am I wrong to not allow him to move back in with us without a plan. I just don't know how much is his need for help or for a reality check....Sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my mind....help.
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