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Ask the Adult ADD Expert:

Learning To Let Go

Q:

"I don't have ADD, but my husband does. Can you suggest some ways to squelch my urge to 'control' my spouse?"

A:

Every time you feel the urge, breathe. Note your posture and try to relax your body physically. Once the physical tension is gone, you can deal with the mental aspect.

The only person you can ever truly change is yourself, so that is where to start. If your spouse is doing something you do not agree with or approve of, pause to ask yourself, "Would I rather be right or happy?" The answer may allow you to let go and be less demanding in the situation.

Choose your battles carefully. Decide what is really important to you and discuss these things with your spouse. Think of it this way: If it will matter 10 years from now, speak up and work together to find a solution. If it won't matter 10 years from now, then there is probably no need to go to battle over it. Let it go.

1 Comments:

  • Posted by sarajaneb - Apr 23 2009 @ 7:08 AM
    Learning to let go
    Good advice. It's not easy, but I learned not to sweat the small stuff. That meant lowering my standards too. In the end, it also meant a happier marriage which is the ultimate goal. Talking with him and letting him know how it made me feel and him explaining to me that he did not do it on purpose to annoy me helped too. That was all in the first 20 years before his ADD diagnosis. It's much easier now with the meds and professional confirmation backing him up. I have done lots of reading on ADD and now I understand him better. I also know that I am not the only person living with an ADDer.
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