You are obviously frustrated but you should keep in mind that so is he. He is most likely embarresed by struggling with things other people take for granted. This leads to anxiety and deppression which just complicates the issue more. It worries me that you are comparing him to your situation. If you are saying to him "I'm doing this why can't you?" then you are just adding to it. If the way you speak to him is anything like this post then that is also making things worse and the whole thing is probably turning into a toxic situation. It's all a fine line to walk and won't get any easier until he starts getting treatment. You said " Somehow making a therapist appointment became too complicated for him to manage, etc" It didn't become too complicated, it always has been. I know it seems like a simple, easy, even trivial thing to other people, but to him it may be causing extreme anxiety. How were things diffrent 2 years ago? Was he not like this then? I understand you feel that you've worked hard at it, but not everyone has the same strengths. Knowing your issues is only the first step, accepting and owning up to them are tougher and diffent people get to them in diffrent speeds and ways.

It seems you see yourself as the stronger more progressive person in the relationship. Own that. Accept that you are the one more put together and use that strength in a postive manner. Learn some new communication skills so that you can bring these things up without him getting defensive. Couples counsling is good start but if that isn't an option then possibly read some books on commuinication and/or helping people with ADHD. Yes it's ultimately up to him to make the changes in himself, but having a postive loving environgment can make all the diffrence in the world.

If it's beyond the point where you are no longer willing or believe he is beyond help, then the tough love of splitting might be your only option. Just be prepared that you run the risk of him falling into a deep dark deppression. Hitting rock bottom might get him to spring back up, but then it might not. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, but to prepare you for that eventuality. I would hope that you would discuss this with him thoroughly before coming to such an extreme.

I've experienced much of what he's going through and I feel for you both. It is not easy for anyone. It's taken me many years, diffrent medications, doctors and therapists since my diagnosis to even remotely get a handle on things. Even after all that I would not get into anytype of serious relationship with someone I that I don't believe understands what my issues and limitations are. If I can find someone who understands that and helps bolster my strengths I would be ecstatic, but I'm not exactly holding my breath. A girl once told me it would take a special woman to love me. Ask yourself, are you that special person for him? Is he worth the extra effort, stress, hair pulling and disappointment? He may never be the man you're expecting him to be. Even with treatment it will be a long ardous road. Will you grow together, or grow apart?

I appologize if this is a bit blunt and brutal, but I don't know how to be anything but honest anymore. I wish you both the best :)

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