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Re: Lucas & Daisy
Lucas -
I just turned 30 last week, and I was diagnosed with ADHD: inattentive type when I was 18. My whole life was a struggle, especially since I wasn't diagnosed until I was technically an adult, and as such had no resources or help and was pretty much just treated as a problem child. But particularly hard, were my 20s. I am fortunate to have a family that supported me, though there were times when our relationship was nearly totally destroyed, but jobs, school and relationships were incredibly difficult, especially since I have a bunch of co-morbid stuff like extreme anxiety, insomnia etc.
I am not sure if it's necessary for you to be assessed for adult ADHD, because it's my understanding that those symptoms are with you for life (my father is also ADHD and he's still a textbook case, despite being well into his 60s). All I can say is that it does get better, it just takes longer than it does with most people. I found for myself anyway, that I eventually learned to work with my "neuro-atypical" brain rather than against it. I dropped out of University (well, a degree program at an art school) a few years ago, but I've managed to find a related college program that I'm nearly through with, and my hope is to try and tough out employment and then segue into freelance (I'm a graphic designer/illustrator/photographer).
I've had a lot of relationships fail because I wasn't a good fit with those people, but I'm engaged now, and our personalities just seem to work well together, despite my fiancé being a rather neurotypical, left-brained sort of dude. You are still super young. It's important to be able to be yourself in a relationship. If you haven't made it clear and explicit that you have ADHD and exactly what that entails, for you, you should. I still have to remind my partner of my daily trials when he expects me to be "normal". But he understands and helps me. If you can modify certain behaviour (ie. not being goofy when it's clear she's in a bad mood or tired or whatever), that's great. But she should like you for who you are, not an edited version of yourself.
I think overall what I'm trying to say is that you have to, where you can, make life work for you. Not make yourself work for life. I am starting to come at the notion that our ADHD minds are really amazing wonderful things, and it's a world that is set up for one specific type of person that is the problem.
Good luck!
Daisy -
I actually created an account just to give you a piece of my mind.
While your heart seems to be in the right place, your insensitive, meddling comment about the life of a woman that is, frankly, none of your business, was shocking and offensive to me. I have had to come up against many people like you in my life and your blind privilege and inability to think outside your own experience is always an unwelcome presence in my life.
How dare you dismiss someone else's inability to fit themselves into an institution which was clearly created to foster learning in a type of mind they don't possess as "manipulation" and search for ways in which to DISCIPLINE an ADULT?
If she doesn't like the idea of medication, why pressure her to take it? I am unmedicated because in my experience stimulants are basically like free cocaine from the doctor. They do nothing but make me nervous, jittery, talkative and deny me what little sleep I already have as an insomniac. I don't blame her for not wanting to take them. As for disability services within post secondary institutions and universities; they're great! But in my experience, they don't mean much if you feel overwhelmed and bowled over by the sheer amount of work one has to perform. I don't think you understand what it's like trying to resculpt your brain into that of a "normal person". It is agonizing. To have her father attempt to bribe her to do well in school is just insult to injury. If that's how he plans to relate to his daughter, he can have fun running their relationship into the ground. Who cares if she goes on a trip? Believe me, the pressure to succeed and the shame of not living up to expectations that you simply cannot meet is enough of a punishment.
ADHD is not something needs ultimatums or an intervention. What it needs is support. Instead of reading articles written by doctors and psychiatrists or other "normal" people, why not try talking to people who actually live with ADHD? I can tell you from my own experience that sometimes you just have to find a way to work around your brain instead of working against it. If that means taking more time than a "normal" person to figure out your life path and how to stay on it, let it be! If that means making work for yourself, do that! But you shouldn't waste your time and hers trying to make her "normal", it won't happen.
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5 Feb 2012 @ 6:11 AM
14 Feb 2012 @ 11:16 AM