Hey ya :)

Are you still online? It's just that having read your post, I think I may just give in and go and get checked out for add....being truthfully honest, I have always suspected that I might have had some form of it....but literally everything you have said is ringing bells for me.

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@appamom, reading your post was indescribeable, I could have written every word of that except that I am 35 and newly diagnosed. I am struggling as well, additionally not getting a lot of support from my family as it is difficult for them to understand. On top of that we have an appointment to have out 8 year old son talk to the doctor as he displays a lot of the sames signs. Stay strong. Im glad I foind this site though, maybe I won't feel so lost anymore.

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I just read your post and what a sigh of relief you give me. Everything you wrote was like looking into a crystal ball of my life. I am 49 and 2 days diagnosed and now on meds. The homework, the high IQ etc... all rings true with me too. For years I have thought I couldn't possibly have ADD/ADHD, I just assumed it was simply "your just not too smart". The puzzling part for me was that 15 years ago I successfully completed LPN nursing school, how could I have achieved this with ADHD??? Today, while reading other ADHDers posts and doing some research online, I figured it out. When I entered nursing school, I had 3 middle school age children a toddler and a 6 month old, that in it's self was a load. I would study/cram all night, go to school each day and some how fit in spending some time with my children and husband. I would spend all hours of the night in a coffee shop close to our home studying. To stay alert and awake, I took over the counter stimulants and managed to graduate at the top of my class. I haven't touched the stimulants since. Now, 15 years have passed and I notice the ADHD symptoms are much worse, I am now in a self paced BSN program an am struggling, to say it lightly. Last month I made an appt with an ARNP that works with Adult ADHD, he verified my self diagnosis and Friday, started me on a 12 day trial of Vyvanse with doses increasing every 3 days. After 12 days, I will have a 2 day "washout", then start Focalin at the same 3 day increases. This is my second day trying Vyvanse at the 20mg dose, I can't say I have noticed any dramatic changes yet, I may respond to the higher doses or atleast I hope I do. Today I was a crying mess and really picked on my husband, I'm not sure if it was the med or PMS, either way, I didn't like it. That sort of behavior happened regularly years ago, but actually slowed down to once a month or even less about 4 years ago, I relate that to my body attempting to go through menopause, although I'm still peri menopausal, I think the shift/change in horomone levels actually helped tame the PMS beast in me, thank God. I haven't been able to read a book in years, my eyes are reading the words, but my brain is making a grocery, thinking about what to fix for dinner, etc, etc, etc. I think that's probably what I hate the most, the need to read even a simple paragraph over and over and over, at times still having no idea what I just read. At work, I seem to do better, still have a big problem with interrupting and blurting out, so embarrassing.

As per ARNP orders, I'm to keep a small day to day journal documenting improvements, side effects, benefits. This will be interesting, my whole life could change for the better any day now, I'm praying anyway. Thanks for taking time to read my post. Any advise will be welcome!

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I felt totally belittled by a counselor one session: A) she belittled/shamed me for being late when I was left work at the same time I usually do for a session with the same time slot B) when I brought in information about ADD with my thoughts and notes she completely dismissed me. ---- My point; it is fantastic he spotted it.

Question: if he is not well-versed with treating ADHD, are you now seeing someone that is?

"Something wrong with me": Ditto. All the time...ALL THE TIME. Especially when it comes to relationships (from colleagues through to manfriends (boyfriends just sounds silly). Friends - how often do I call, not call, making new friends, keeping them, trying to make sense of these hidden social rules when I want to say "what the pck". Even right now, I have a friend Cm and because I said/wrote something socially awkward in October, I am still on edge and not sure when/how bad I'll mess up again. My counselor/ADHD coach says I need to have people to "talk to" to "confide in" but in the past a) I would do it with the wrong people and/or b) abuse that aspect of the relationship and/or c) when things are going shitty feel like I'd talk about is how horrid things or and/or d) get the response that "that is hard...it is a challenge" and be dismissed.

How I felt about myself (lazy, procrastinator, stupid, idiot, etc) was always the same regardless of how I performed because things would run over, be rushed, overlooked, etc. Back then, it was "why does this keep happening to me". Anything I did try - rarely lasted. Now I know why.

My anxiety is similar - trying so hard not to be socially awkward I now overanalysis EVERYTHING (I am inherently analytical and I loove solving problems). And again - especially when it comes to "other people".

It's been a year since the diagnosis and I am still working on the medication component and seeing an ADHD coach. Stupid Hallowell's "cycle of excellence" and "power of connectedness" when things are too urgh to try and do things that I need to do to channel it. I do not know how to get back to relieved.......Ignorance isn't bliss - for me, ignorance is unchannelled and undirected. Now I know where to direct it.

As Ari Tuckman (he does a ADHD podcast) says "be willing to let it be a process". I am so close to giving up. I've never tried so hard at anything in my life and actually be such a failure (opposed to just projecting the fact that I am a failure).

How do you know when the meds work? How did you know when you had your first o'gasm? You know. And as a blog title says "Pills Don't Teach Skills". I've had glimpses of what it could be but the implications of living with it for so long - it seems (for me) surmountable.

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So after the post I did some googling and research about some random social things. And I discovered the following: -social cognitive theory -social learning theory -self-concept theory -attribution theory . . . and most importantly (for me at least): Self Efficacy Defined as: - the belief that one is capable of performing in a certain manner and to attain a certain set of goals. -understanding how to foster the development of self-efficacy is a vitally important goal for positive psychology.

After being such a pooper about what I wrote earlier, I went researching for the "ladder of social interaction" (something similar) that my counselor told me about. It blew my mind the actually function of small talk. (Passed this on to my other ADHD friend and she reacted the same way not believing it". For me, delving into the theories and research behind it has a way of sub-consciously self-correcting my frame of mind.

I have a really cooool and simple visual (colour coded) diagram that might be of use. I think I can send it via private message if anyone wants to see it.......

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Look, I went throught the same thing when I found out a couple years ago that I had ADHD. I was always thinking what if I was diagnosed when I was young or what if .... It will drive you crazy thinking about the pass. You can not control your pass, but only you can your furture. Now the med will take some time to figure at which one will work for you. Please understand it's not a magic pill that boom it works. Because that's not how it works. You need to read & understand ADHD. I know this is going to sound dumb but I would look in the mirror & tell myself that I can get throught this. You will have to come to term about your ADHD. I read a lot books about women with ADHD. I know it seems overwhelming but you will make it. Do some type of exercise when you feel overwhelmed. A good family support helps also. You are not alone!! I hope this will help you some.

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Hi Appamom! Wow... I get you. I just posted on this forum for the first time tonight. I have been dealing with my ADHD diagnosis for about 5 years and am going through a rough patch bc I just started a new medication. I have taken Adderall, Ritalin, and now Vyvanse. Didn't give adderall much of a shot, never could tell if ritalin was working... and just started Vyvanse two weeks ago. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one who struggles with this... and I could totally relate to your idea about controlling everything on the outside thinking that it would make my mind be calm. I can relate to so much of what you said, as does it seem that the other responders could. But I believe in us Appamom and other responders. I really do... we are great people who are learning to deal with a difficult condition that is internally wired in us. I am trying to have compassion for myself during this med adjustment period and remind myself that perfect isn't possible, and that I will stand by myself ADHD and all forever. I found this community tonight because I wanted to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing and I wish you peace.

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