I also have an adhd teenage boy who just started high school. He went to a private school for middle and knew nobody in his current school prior to this year except for his much older sister (a senior) and her friends. My son has different behaviors than your son but also has difficulties making new friends. I think some of the offputting behavior - in your son's case telling lies and in my son's case trying too hard to be funny- stems from their insecurities. My son had good friends in elementary school but middle school was pretty rough. The friends he had at school weren't always the most supportive and there were times I know he felt misunderstood by many in his peer group. Like you, I worry what the difficulties have done to my son's self-esteem. I don't have much advice except to provide as postitive a home environment as you can. My husband and son spend a lot of time together going to rock concerts, sporting events, etc. and we also do many things as a family. We give our son projects around the house and yard to help him feel competent and responsible. We try to set him up to succeed in as many small things as we can and also give genuine praise whenever possible even for something as simple as having good manners at dinner or doing a good job on a chore. And as often as I can I plan get togethers with friends of mine that have kids of all different ages so that my son feels like he has a community of "friends" even if they aren't kids he does stuff with on an individual basis. If you have friends that you trust that also have kids, letting them know your concerns and asking for their help can be a lifesaver. I'd also encourage your son to stick with activities that he's really interested in and can be successful in. My son loves sports and that's where he's made most of his friends over the years. I've always had both my kids in club sports that aren't connected to their schools in any way. The club activities have allowed him to connect with other kids in a more relaxed setting than school. My son doesn't do martial arts but I have 2 friends with add and adhd teens and it's been a tremendous boost to their self-esteem and they've made connections with other families at the dojo. Maybe you could look into something similiar for your son. I think the key is to concentrate on his self-confidence. That's what we're trying to do and it definitely has helped. The impulsive behavior will always be off-putting to some people but hopefully by expanding peer interactions (for both our sons) and increasing their sense of self-worth, they can connect with at least a few good friends that will accept them for who they are. I wish you and your son the best. Sorry if I rambled : )

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Thanks for the reply. My son is actively involved in sports and is a great outlet for him, he also loves hunting and fishing. Like your son my husband spends a lot of time with him with sports, hunting, fishing, etc. We have three boys so I try to be careful that the other two get their time as well. He honestly seems to be doing better in high school than middle school, that was a hard time for him. Our k-8 school is very small so if you do not fit in a crowd then their was no where else to go. He has had friends here and there but eventually looses them. The funny thing is he does very well with older guys (my dad, uncles, his dad, etc.) which I know can be common with adhd. In middle school I felt he was becoming very insecure mostly because of friendships. I think a lot of the lieing (sometimes bragging about things that arent true) is to make up for what he feels inadequate about. What I find hard is getting him to talk about any of his emotions and to get some of it out so it is not all in behavior. We do keep a close eye on him and just keep talking and working.....a life long process. It is great to talk to someone...Thank-you!

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