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Help, I feel like a junkie!! How do I break away from the piles!!!
I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 23. I tried meds...not very helpful, read every Hallowell book, own every organizing guide I can think of. I spend my entire life cleaning then remaking piles...
Seriously...sometimes I just feel like hurting myself and I make myself so sick with self-hatred. I can't forgive myself. I constantly feel like ADHD is just a cop out for me being lazy.
So I clean for HOURS like an OCD...denying myself social time at times...I get my room nice, neat and livable and I love it...in one day ...it's back and I feel like a failure...I can't stick to anything beyond two weeks..ad trust me when I say I HATE IT!! I HATE HATE HATE PILES ?..,yet...I surround myself with the,..I have too much crap, Im impulsive... It doesn't help that I live with my aunt...so I'm restricted to my room and can't really rig the house in an ADHD friendly way with a launch pad by the door, etc...im tired of living like a pig, I'm not dirty...Im just so cluttered I feel disgusting.
I do feel like a junkie...it's like ...how hard is it to give things a home, or take the thing in my hand and put it away...saving myself hours of crying.
I just got so angry right now, that I took the semi-sorted and categorized piles on my bed and THREW them angrily in one big pile on the floor. I dream of clean..space...and not hating my room because of my piggy ways... Isn't being tired of it enough....when does the magic"get my act together and start consistently building the habit" gene kick on!!!?????
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