I have 3 children, a daughter, 26, a son, 22 (with suspected ADHD but he won't go to the doc to find out) and my 13 year old with ADHD, so I've been a mom a while...I don't think you're failing as a mother, as parents of children with ADHD I think we all feel like that some times, but we're doing everything we can to help them. The fact that you're here and asking questions is proof of that alone. My son is 13, he was diagnosed at age 4. We've been on so many meds, both stimulant and non stimulant. The stimulants work best on his symptoms but do kill his appetite. I have been giving my son Chocolate milkshakes for breakfast (He takes his meds as soon as he gets up with one every school day...like you, and against his doctors advice I don't give him his meds on weekends or holidays, once he starts driving that will change but for now that's how it is). I use 2% milk, regular chocolate ice cream (that's what he likes) and I add 2 or 3 raw eggs, and a splash of chocolate syrup. I know it's sugar in the morning, but ya know, I don't care, he drinks it, it has calories, milk and extra protein from the eggs...he doesn't even know I put the eggs in it, he never sees me make the shakes. Does your child see a Psychologist? Mine does, every 3 months, that who keeps up with our med refills (yep, I've been diagnosed too recently, and it's done wonders with helping my son and his teachers), our doctor said that he can write a "prescription" to the school saying that he needs snacks throughout the day at school...and they have to allow them (some teachers don't without it). My son doesn't want to do it yet, but it's nice to know that we have the option, and of course it would be a healthy snack, a peanut butter sandwich or a granola bar. Just try packing on the protein, it's best for his brain and it actually helps to settle my sons stomach most days, and he seems to have fewer headaches now too. I hope some of this helps, and know that you aren't alone, and you're not failing as a mom :)

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I am glad to hear that other children are getting headaches connected to their meds. My son (9) gets awful migraines and I KNOW they must be connected to the meds, in our case Focalin. I have been to 3 doctors and they all tell me that there is no connection. There doesn't seem to be a pattern with the headaches, but when they come, he is out of commission for at least 24 hours. I hate giving him the medication, but we really can't go without it. I feel so sorry for him. I wish there was more I could do with out chemicals. :(

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almost two years ago my eight yr old child was put on generic ritalin. there was no evaluation, but with my educational background, i was not surprised to hear that a "professional" thought she may have a touch of adhd and a little med would help. personally, i am against meds because of personal issues. having her go on the med was the first slap in the face that i had failed her as a mother. i came to terms with the meds after two counselors. She always has been a patient, outgoing, crafty intelligent child, just with a lot more energy than i had to keep up with her. her father and i were raised differently. i am openminded, he wants a robot. so another obsticle is we will never be on the same page. he sees her not remembering to shut off tv or light when she leaves a room is her being a dingy blond. Not picking up after herself as being lazy and disrespectful. when she takes twenty minutes to brush her teeth b/c she is focusing attention to other girly stuff, he thinks she is disrespectful in making people wait on her to be ready. i on the other had see her as a child that isnt ocd about how the room looks, likes to take time to smell the roses and has other things on her mind than the tv and lights. all of us need reminders for somethings. Anyway, since she was born, he has told me that i am raising her wrong (i am primary caregiver). i was home with her the first yr, then began a job with family member that allowed flexable hrs and she could be with me everyday. So, our time together was 24/7. i love being a mom, but have some issues of my own. i am overprotective, but at the same time want her to become an indep. resp. happy wellrounded adult. i am a psy. graduate and we are our worst patients. Since middleschool i have had mental health issues. in high school hosp. for depr. received tx on and off from then to current. several years ago, there was an incident that my primary phy. put me on a med. for chronic headache. at this time, i did not research my meds, but i did know i can not take certain meds. she told me it was for musc. relaxation, forgot to mention it was a antidep. that happened to be in the triciclic family that i cannot take. this sent me into one of the worst depr. times i ever have had. seven years later i feel the best i can remember, but it has been a constant trial of emotional and physical pain. i never lost sight that she is the most important part of my life. i am here because my child is not going to grow up without me. her face is the light of my day, then and now. five drs. later and forty plus meds, i have found a combination that is working to the best of their ability. i am willing to try anything. looked into ect, told that emdr and cbt would not work on me because i am too intelligent to allow it to work b/c i annalyze everything and cannot answer without it being that way. the meds i am currently on now have made me gain 90 plus pounds which doesnot help matters. but the biggest concern i have is the effects it has on my heart, blood press., cholest etc. am meds are for energy, pm for anxiety . besides five "professionals" I have had sleep studies, psych. evaluations to make sure iam being treated for what is really going on. since all of this has been going on, up until being able to function now, my husband blames her behavior on my inability to take care of myself, so how could i teach her what she needed to know those first seven years or so. i gave all that i had to her. what i couldn't squeeze out, i have a great support system that was there and still is there for us. maybe i wasn't ocd about how the house was in perfect order and that laundry may have stayed clean in their baskets for a few days, but she never went without my love and attention. i agree that i was lax on disapl. b/c i had no enery or strength to back it up, but it worked for her and i. but when he came hm, it was and still is...she does this b.c. of this and this b.c. of this. telling me i give too many choices and am to lenient in disapl. this is a battle i will never win. he will always blame me for the way she acts. nevermind the way he was as a child and now as an adult. dont get me wrong i love my husband, but my daughter will not be raised as a robot. she will be allowed to be a kid, she is not perfect, but noone is. she is good natured, intelligent, caring...a good kid. lately i have been doing some research on her med, and have my concerns of the long term effects that it may have on her. i feel better now and feel that she is on the lighter side of adhd, that behavior modification and routine and reminders along with acceptance, love and patience, the meds may not be neccessary. to make a very long story come to its point, you are not a bad mother. raising a child with or without adhd is exhausting. we would do anything for them, but the best we can do is take care of ourselves and let them see that so they have a good rolemodel to follow. we are the most important people in their lives, but we are human. adults need time outs just as much as they do...this also sets a good example to them. we are not perfect and that is ok. we make mistakes...many many mistakes, but we still are good people. i definately feel that i have failed as a mother, since i am reminded periodically. but i truly believe i have done the best i can do and will continue to do so. she will grow up and become a more beautiful person than i could ever imagine, and i will know part of that was because of me...the good and the bad. not a single day goes by that i dont think...maybe...i have failed...but then i look at those big beautiful eyes and that true smile that say i love you mom, and remember...i have done something right...and she will help me and much as i can help her. we are in this together. all mothers out their and dads that feel they are failing their child...stop and take a good look at them. we do what we can with what we have and they are good little people that will become wonderful adults. give them time and credit for who they are.......adhd or not, everyone has their issues. but that does not change the fact we do our best. don't let others judge....they are just feeling guilty of their own personal issues that they have not learned to cope with. take a deep breath and give your child a big hug....then go outside in a light rain, sing, dance and jump into a puddle. life can be fun with whatever comes our way. our children are a gift, but to them, we are a gift. they may not realize that until they have children of their own, but someday they will realize the love a parent has for their child. you are not failing.

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CysMom said: My son has been diagnosed since the age of 5 he is now 10. He has been on just about every medication out there and I'm wondering if this roller coaster ride is going to stop. If the meds work, they kill his apetite, give him migraines, cause major mood swings or he just throws them up. He is currently taking 40 mg Medadate CR. It works, but at what cost? I spend all summer packing the pounds on him just for him to lose it within the first two months (or less) back in school. He is fallling behind on his growth chart for his age group. And the worst part is the mental stress this is causing for him. He's smaller than the other boys in his class and that makes him real self-conscious. Also, when he's on the meds he is so unlike his usual self, it's almost like a different kid. He has a killer sense of humor but the minute the meds kick in he becomes very subdued. I take the meds away over breaks and summer and he packs on the pounds and looks so good. Then each year we try to see if he can make it through school without them, but he gets in trouble and can't get his work done. You would think after 5 years of this it would all be old hat, unfortunately I think I'm the only thing feeling old these days. LOL. Seriously though, I feel just as conflicted today as I did 5 years ago over this dilemna. I have tried fish oil, natural therapy, behavioral therapy, you name it...the only thing that works is the meds. But I am very worried about his growth. Does anyone know of ANY meds that help but don't kill his appetite. Or is there some kind of growth hormorne he can take? Is that option even considered by the doctors? I don't want him to have to take yet another darn pill but something has got to give. I want my son to be healthy and I know in my heart that these meds are stunting his growth. After reading all the other concerned parents posts it appears that this is common concern but I haven't found any info addressing the issue. If anyone has a suggestion on what meds don't kill appetites or if someone has tried growth hormone therapy for this reason, I would really like hear from you. It is a very frustrating when you feel like you are failing your child in some way. Thanks and God Bless.

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You are NOT failing your child. It takes time and trial-and-error to find the right medication or combination of medications that will help your child. You didn't say whether you had tried non-stimulants (strattera or intuniv). They are less likely to cause the appetite loss and insomnia that can be a problem with stimulants like Metadate. If you haven't tried them, you should. They are long-acting, though, and you really can't start/stop them for weekends or holidays. If they work well for your child, you probably won't want to stop them, though! My son (now 16) started on Strattera at age 8 and, except for having to take it after eating a meal, it's been a God-send. He was always very (genetically) thin, but it didn't affect his height at all. A year ago January, he started Intuniv and gained 13 lbs in one month. Your son might gain some weight on Intuniv. Good luck.

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